Thoughtful, Curious Spankee

You may have had same message three times or not at all! Attempted to write to you, but page goes blank and it doesn't appear in my 'sent' file.
Will try as fresh again as a message

There is some sadness, but also a world of possibilities.
My Cariad is my soulmate even if we are friends rather than lovers and spanking partners. We are lucky to have each other in our lives. Meanwhile my toe-dipping into life as a single spankee is interesting...

Attempted to answer emails but what I thought was an AOL address failed. If you want to send an email address to my website or via BS I will forward reply.
Cheers,
Suzee

This is a huge issue in Spanko World. Some see it as non-sexual and get some sort of emotional, cathartic or sensual 'hit' or an endorphin high and enjoy it in a different way. I can sort of understand, but suspect some (and I do mean some, not all) may be kidding themselves - especially when they have a good reason to see it as a non-sexual act because of their particular circumstances or belief system.

For me it is sexual, not because I inevitably follow spanking with actual sex (it's a great idea, but not mandatory ) but because I find the idea sexually exciting and thinking about spanking is sexually arousing for me.

I was thinking about this the other day and had new perspective. Something I read a while ago made me realise that I (and I assume loads of other spankos) may have conditioned myself into my sexual connection by positively reinforcing idea of it being sexual.

Before I was sexually aware I found idea of spanking exciting. I had no experience, there was a thrill at idea. I would think about spanking and feel excited, but in a vague way. Only after I became sexually active did I choose to make spanking a sexual fantasy and as it was used as a fantasy I was 'rewarded' by the thoughts with sexual satisfaction. I therefore reinforced the idea that it was sexy because not only was it exciting, the thoughts became associated with sexual satisfaction.

So while for those who see it as non-sexual but satisfying in other ways, then I assume the connection with sexual satisfaction is perhaps not there. If spanking is 'satisfying' like bungee jumping, running a marathon or hang gliding it is non-sexual.

Also perhaps on the other hand, if one is into bungee jumping, running a marathon or hang gliding one could perhaps (and possibly some do)get a sexual thrill from the activities by incorporating them into fantasy leading to sexual satisfaction...

I feel as close to my Cariad as ever, but life has taken its toll and we appear to have moved to friendship instead. It is sad, but also a new chapter...

I've been browsing elsewhere as well as having conversations with others and have become aware of something rather new to me. It appears that male spankers who find spanking sexual appear to be amazingly keen on their female playmates' sexual fulfilment. This is non-scientific and absolutely anecdotal and based on chat. It has got me thinking though.

As said elsewhere, there is a significant minority of folk into spanking and similar for whom it appears not to be sexual. I and many others however feel somewhat differently. Seeing spanking as sexual does not necessarily mean always overt sexual behaviour accompanying spanking - simply acknowledging it as erotic.

Anyway - back to those who do find it erotic - it seems that some male spankers get a real buzz from their partners' excitement, apparently still regardless on whether it is acted upon or not depending on circumstances and relationships. If appropriate they appear to be happy to provide direct sexual stimulation regardless of receipt of similar attentions. I find this very intriguing.

I can see that in terms of psychological eroticism - head sex- rather than straight physical equivalent, giving pleasure makes sense. But there does appear to be a possible selfless component to this, hence the intrigue.

Those I know who are into spanking are totally into consent only and usually the mantra of 'safe' sane, consensual' which is as it should be. Fantasy, however, for those on giving or receiving end of such actions is more often than not non-consensual and usually 'punishment'. I wonder if the reassurance of the spankee's sexual enjoyment is a balance and distancing from the fantasy - a reassurance that despite the darker elements of the fantasy, on the whole spankers are nice, considerate people? Or are sexually motivated spankers just very considerate people?

My tentative thesis is based on Male/female combination of Spanker and spankee - no idea of other combinations as not had the conversations...

This is something I've been pondering, following a discussion on a spanking site:
http://www.britishspanking.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45640

I see spanking as sexual, but not everybody into spanking does. Whether it is or isn't sexual for people, however, it is an urge. Some welcome it and some don't. Attitudes to whether it is a curse or enhancement are similar to feelings around sex - Some of us wish 'it' would go away and feel a sense of relief whan it does. Others enjoy the spark it gives us and the feeling of being alive.

I have been in a non-spanking relationship that became celibate. My partner seemed to feel free of the 'itch' and quite happy to be 'past all that'. I didn't. I see the same would be true of spanking. If a couple are happy to no longer want sex and/or spanking in their lives that is great. Similarly where a couple feel more alive because of their particular 'urge' still being with them - that too is great. We are lucky to have enmeshed needs in a relationship. neither is better - just different.

Some people who are into spanking appear to choose to have a relationship with each other , but choose not to include spanking in the relationship - possibly because they see it as a more meaningful relationship.

For me a spankee finding soulmate who wants to spank her or him sounds like an amazing combination. While it is possible to have a 'purer' relationship by not choosing spanking and/or sex I don't see why one would, as both are just fabulous with the one you love. I think of it as a 'gestalt' effect - that somehow certain intimacies are wonderful and the whole relationship can be so much more than the sum of the parts. Walks in the wood, discussing books, watching films, being 'peaceful and easy', tenderness and laughter do not lose meaning when shared with someone who spanks me - quite te opposite.

I am genuinely intrigued by what may be gained by not 'indulging' in activities enjoyed by both - whether spanking, sex or something else. I can see a possible spiritual dimension, but I just don't get it.

Further to my last post on the subject - my lovely friend Linda looks utterly fabulous in red lipstick and highheels. She was at a meeting in England and sporting a pair of FMs. An English colleague envied them and when Linda described them as FMs she thought it was name of Welsh shoe supplier!

Ths is a pic of my fab new shoes:

My Cariad and I have just celebrated six years' of togetherness and rather a lot of spanking.
I'm not a proper exhibitonist, but we'd always planned that my Cariad would do some spanking illustrations to go with my writing and we'd take saucy pics for inspiration for such drawings, but somehow we'd never got round to it.
I christened my gorgeous new 'F-M'* shoes and wanted a pic and that triggered the idea for a private photo shoot.
I think this pic is fun and a bit naughty in a typically Beryl Cook sort of way -

I think if Beryl was a spanko she may have done a pic like this:

Anyway we did have a lovely anniversary - not sure if the roast lamb dinner or my roasting was the highlight though...

*F-Ms are sexy shoes and stand for f**k me

Had catch up with a couple of feminist friends yesterday. Both lovely, open women with husbands, active sex-lives, grown-up kids, grandchildren and lifetime of experience.

One knew my secret and other didn't so told her. Neither 'got' it nor fancied it but were OK about it. It was interesting to discuss the journey of coming to terms with such ideas as a feminist and be understood. They felt that my tentative anecdotal hypothesis that men more likely to get what they want sexually, because they actually ask was probably true.

And yet again I discovered that if my friends were told I had a kink of this sort they would inevitably assume that I would get my kicks at the other end of the cane! Seems I'm easier to imagine as a Domme than a spankee! I have worked this out, and although I have met submissive women (not just spankees) who are assertive and strong, I can see it is hard to imagine such women wanting to be put over a knee or bent over for the cane. I think there is a delicious incongruity which adds to the excitement and eroticism. I'm aware of the cliche of the High Court Judge or powerful woman who enjoys the 'escape' from responsibility through age play or corporal punishment, but that's not it either, as I've had fantasy and thrilled at idea since childhood - it's been there whether I have personal power or not.

I've written a book of (non-spanking!) short stories - three of which were partly inspired by one of the friends and her experiences. I gave them both a copy of my tales, despite fact I knew from draft that the 'inspiration' didn't like the unromantic ending of one of stories she inspired! She's yet to read the one where central character with a similar experience to her attempts murder!