Despite the absence of the delightful Fi, I've just had a marvellous time listening to BH and learnt:

*Others have carved root veg for Hallowe'en -Not just me, then! There was talk of turnips, but I think this is a regional thing re names.

*That the marvellous Rosa Parkes was not the first black woman to be arrested for not giving up her seat to a white person

*That the time in Christchurch is not GMT, but 'local' and five minutes ahead.

"I was going to say that I've not found my kink to have been any problem at all when it comes to access to my kids, but then I suppose it wouldn't as their mother is also an active sub/spankee (and actually rather more active than I am at present, sadly for myself) so there's no issue there.

When it comes to being responsible for vulnerable people though, I have to say I've never found it a problem working in social services.
Maybe it'd be different if I'd ever mentioned it first at work though, rather than responding to chatter in the staffroom - but my doing that has certainly never brought condemnation upon me, just a lot of giggling."

Tovarich

I think it's great there've been no problems for Tov. I still think there are problems for others though. Concern for vulnerable clients has for example (and quite rightly) made some organisations think about attitudes. I wonder if someone working with the vulnerable would have been given the job if s/he answered a question on 'What do you do to relax/relieve tension?' replied: 'Get spanked/attend BDSM parties/tie my wife up/dress like a schoolboy/bathe in custard/pretend to be a pony...' (delete as appropriate)
This is the sort of question that is being asked at interviews nowadays. I also think male Doms/Tops/Spankers are probably most vulnerable to misunderstanding.
And if a person with a kink (sane, safe and consensual, but a kink) was feeling pressurised by ex-partner over residency or finances I can see that s/he may feel vulnerable.

I was really disappointed that my Hallowe'en rant was not traceable from popular 'Halloween' tag, because I used apostrophe!
I guess apostrophes, like swedes are becoming history...
So am I the only person to have carved swedes into Hallowe'en lanterns rather than pumpkins in the dim and distant past?

I'm about to sound like 'Disgusted of Penge' or similar, but I cannot believe the level of consumerism around Hallowe'en this year. There's a Cardiff chipshop (Crwys Road if that means anything) that has some sort of inflatable Hallowe'en 'thing' around its doorway. There are also rows of 'stuff' on sale in Tesco's and everywhere... When did it become a major festival?!

The irony of course is that it's a warped by-product of Christianity, but seen as anti-Christian by many Christians. It seems rather unfair that the followers of a very ancient system of religious belief got so demonised by a newer religion. the only witches I know of seem perfectly decent people with no visible warts, hairy moles or pointy hats. If we must have fictionalised witches let's have Samantha and her twitchy nose back - She may have been a bit of a fifties male fantasy, but I seem to remember her witchy family were fun.

The whole 'trick or treat' custom seems a strange import, but has really taken off down my road and presumably elsewhere. I guess there's room for an adult spanking version if I put my mind to it. I guess there are Hallowe'en spanking stories, not dissimilar to some of the Father Christmas stuff.

Further to Ken's comment and my response I did want to say something about labels. I do understand the dangers of labelling and stigmatisation and am aware of the work of Hoffman and various social studies, but I do think there's a time and place for some sort of labels/categories to allow us to communicate. I can see that pointing out gender, class, dis/ability, colour, etc is often inappropriate. If we are to we have the dialogue about harmony, understanding, disadvantage, prejudice, bias, fear, misunderstanding, inequality, assumptions, commonality, empathy and so much more then I think we need some form of labels or categories.

This by no means negates claims to glorious individuality - I see it as simply a communication tool. And while I would reject the label 'politically correct' I would always try to avoid labels that offend, but would not want that sensitivity to cloud any debate.

There is a rather nice Americanism that is simply TTTWD - this thing that we do - that I rather like.

Among those of us that practice TTTWD the term 'vanilla' is used for those that don't do TTTWD. I quite like it but many really dislike it and find it insulting or patronising, sometimes depending on how they think of vanilla itself and sometimes objecting to the labelling concept.

Personally I love the taste and smell of vanilla and have a soft spot for Bird's custard, madeira cake and good vanilla icecream. To me vanilla is an alternative flavour rather than a non-flavour or something bland.

I also agree with something that as I once heard - vanilla represents a sort of default position - something most people like.

I don't actually see myself as non-vanilla, but as someone who is sometimes vanilla and sometimes not, depending on what is happening in my head, emotions and on my body.

Of course whichever side of whichever fence is under discussion people are free to object to and refuse labels. I do understand and appreciate this.

Suzee
Lover of sundaes and vanilla
xxx

I just wanted to expand on my dialogue with hobbit. In the greater scheme of things, my 'kink' is no big deal, but there is a vulnerability.

Imagine for example, being a parent having issues over access to one's children or having responsibility for vulnerable people or being a senior manager, 'famous' person or politician. Enjoying getting your bottom smacked, or (Shock! Horror!) wanting to smack someone else's may just feel like something that could be used against you...

I'm not paranoid (I wouldn't be blogging about this if I was!) but I'm aware that the closet is there for a good reason. And some of the lovely people I've met who wouldn't hurt a fly (unless it really wanted it, but delight in hurting each other within limits of 'safe, sane, consensual' would certainly be vulnerable.
While there are anti-discrimination guidelines on sexuality covering gay, bi-sexual and trans-gendered employees there is nothing I know of for those with fetishes or similar.

I recently did some training on sexuality and was aware that while sensitivity to colleagues and clients with regard to sexual orientation fetish and other kink stuff is not really on the agenda.

I do however, think this stuff is getting more 'mainstream' so who knows...

If anyone can suggest a good collective noun for me and my 'type', then please do! Of course we're a mixed bag (like any other group with some vague thing in common) and most of my fellow 'kinks' will probably object, but it's good to have a shorthand sometimes.

Well, I'm less tired, so here goes....

Having had spanking fantasies for as long as I can remember I led a fairly ordinary life as a broad minded but non-kinky serial monogamist. I found myself without a partner in my thirties and decided to advertise. And I thought I had nothing to lose so mentioned my kink. I was terrified as I honestly didn't know if I wanted the real thing or not. I met one chap with his own canes(!) and found the reality exciting, but relationship petered out. I then met a wondeful man with whom I clicked and while he 'knew' because of ad, it never really became an issue. We had a wonderful relationship for several years.

I wrote an autobiographical piece for an anthology on sexuality and realised that while the contents were true the piece wasn't 'the truth'. I wrote a second piece about being a feminist with spanking fantasies, and then started writing spanking fiction. I alo began exploring websites and exchanging messages and posting. I found myself drawn to someone and felt rather confused about it. I decided I needed to confide in someone, so 'came out' to my closest female friend N who was cool and brilliantly supportive.

My closest male friend G was also brilliant. I told him I was drawn to someone in cyber and said there was a kink, but not what it was. I then discovered my autobiographical pieces were being published so was buzzing. At the time I was horrified about my kink coming out but it had become a joke between us. And I knew he'd recognise me from background details of piece once he read it. So once the 'You will now have to die' jokes wore thin I told him as well.

N and G were just wonderful - As I knew they would be - I just would not have friends who were not the tolerant and broadminded type. Since then I have become more relaxed and tend to suss out how people may react. I am open about writing erotica and some I tell more and some I don't.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I do believe in privacy and while being an open person and broadminded about sexuality I had never discussed what I do or don't do myself. Yet, I do feel that assumptions are made about those of us who are into spanking, BDSM or fetishes and I feel I want to get people thinking and talking. Noticeboards on specialist sites seem to be full of the questions and issues that have been around for gay people:
Nature/Nurture
Vulnerability to blackmail
Being seen as unfit parent
Whether to be 'Out and Proud'
Is it sexual?
Is it a chosen lifestyle?
Is there a 'community?
Can people 'convert' either way?
Can you live without it?
etc...

I think it is interesting for the questions and issues to be raised outside the so-called BDSM/spanking community. And this is my contribution. I don't do anything to frighten the horses. I have what appears to be a normal life (whatever that is!) I am happy to answer questions through this blog.

I've just had a perfectly lovely evening with a very dear female friend - She was the person to whom I first 'came out'. I shall write about 'coming out' when less tired.

At the moment I just want to show my apreciation and pleasure at friendships of various kinds. I joked about being 'Billy No Mates' when I started blog. It was lovely that luchan invited me to be a Blog friend (Is that the terminology?) and others are reading me and making comments - Thank you! Since then Jason has become a further blog friend.

I was delighted when Romola was first to accept my invitation to blog friendship - We've admired each other's postings elsewhere. And Tov in his usual enthusiastic way not only became a blog friend but commenting on my postings (and I know I owe you an email, Tov!). And now I'm delighted to discover that smartie has also joined us.

I think friendship is terribly important to most of us, but friendships among those with whom you share a kink and those who are cool about kinks can be life-enhancing after a long time in the kink closet! It's great to be able to feel accepted and have a giggle about a whole new set of double entendres.

And I must admit sitting through a Welsh class trying to keep a straight face when the teacher threatens to be strict is quite a challenge when my fellow student and close male friend knows my kink.

Annoyingly, I've not worked out how to add to the vocabulary of my spellchecker on Windows, so it still doubts the existence of Suzee and wants her renamed at regular intervals. It also doubts the existence of doms and spankees, but happily accepts spankers.

I'm having far more fun with the e-mail equivalent though. The problem with this one is that it is American and wants to drop 'u' or change 's' to 'z' at regular intervals. It too doubted poor Suzee's existence, but happily took my word for her veracity. British spellings are slowly being added, as are rows of kisses of different lengths that I insist become part of its vocabulary.

There is a convention practiced among those who play out or take on power roles in the spankers' and BDSM world - that of Tops, Doms and Spankers being capitalised and bottoms, subs and spankees using lower case initials for our names. It's a convention I choose not to follow. So I was very amused when my delightful e-mail pedant 'corrected' my typo and suggested that suzee should have been Suzee!

It even accepts a few of my most-used Welsh words without tantrum. 'Cariad' the lovely Welsh word for 'Beloved' and 'Nos Da' (Good night) along with bratting and spanko are now considered proper words according to my American speaking, but spank- and Welsh-friendly guardian of the written word. I wonder if it knows about anorak...

All I have to do now is get to grips with my other spell checker

well, having spent a lifetime in the closet convinced I was weird I'm beginning to wonder... As well as being fascinated by whether spanking is sexual, I also wonder about how mainstream it and BDSM are nowadays. OK, you can buy whips and handcuffs in Anne Summers - So what? but when you see such items as part of a Valentine's Day display in a card shop, you have to wonder.

Apparently BHS (or similar) were selling 'spankers' as Christmas gft ideas and I've lost count of references and jokes on mainstream TV in the last year or so. My favourite kinky character is probably Phoebe on'Friends' getting turned on by table tennis bats; talking about women needing spanking and being very dismissive of the flimsiness of some handcuffs.

I did try out a spanking story on a couple of women who were on a course with me and they were pretty cool. (It's called 'Contiguous' and is on my site)

Spanking and BDSM have definitely entered popular culture in recent years and I think it reflects a general interest. If someone wants to indicate sexual adventure, BDSM and/or spanking seem to be a shorthand for this.

Of course I have a theory - I always do! I think like swinging, swapping, being 'bi-curious' and other 'variations', spanking and BDSM are things some people are willing to try and find erotic as a concept and possibly as reality. Some of us however (for whatever reason - And I don't particularly care how or why) have a particular 'kink' that is central to our make-up. For many of us (but not all)including me it is part of our sexuality. It doesn't mean we lack 'normal' sexuality - Just have this extra route to pleasure.

I see spanking and similar 'kinks' as continuums. An analogy (I always have one or two of these as well!)would be with being gay/straight. Some of us are 100%straight or gay. Some of us have 'phases' or fall for one exception of same or opposite sex. Some fantasise about the opposite to how we see ourselves. Some experiment. Some don't. some will experiment because it seems 'perverse' or exciting. Some will be unable to resist a dabble...

Phil's comment on pain made me think about my journey to current lifestyle. I've written some stuff on my history and experiences on website (see profile for link). I have had fantasies about spanking since childhood and consider them central to my sexuality.

When I decided I wanted to explore further I didn't actually know how I'd cope with experience or whether I really wanted reality. Fantasy, after all is often thought to be more perfect reality. And like many, I'm a wimp about pain, but the fantasy was powerful...

I saw an awful Channel 5 thing on sexual fantasy where several people bragged about their fantasies and said they were better than reality. There was a chap into BDSM and he'd been to a club and got to act out stuff. We didn't get to hear much and we were given impression that his 'living the fantasy' was somehow pathetic, compared to those who fantasised - Almost as though he was a victim. Well, I've met people who go to clubs and parties and none of them strike me as deluded or unhappy.

As said before I'm fortunate that my partner and I have 'matching' fantasies and we've experimented and learnt together. I've no experience of 'quid pro quo' so never been a case of if I spank you bum will you pretend to be Leila or whatever. It does hurt and if it didn't it wouldn't work for either of us, but the pain is limited and rewarded by the rush and excitement and the intimacy.

No idea why we have our 'kink', but not really bothered about that anymore. Like the perfect cup of tea, the sun on my back, chocolate, fabulous scenery, or the sea it simply works for me. And the pain is part of the pleasure.

I once read that spankers, doms, tops and similar were more empathic because they took responsibility for spankee, sub, bottom. They have to look after things and be tuned in and take care, while all their opposite number does is give him or herself up to the sensations being delivered.

Well, it's an interesting thought, but I'm not convinced. I admit that being on the receiving end does limit one's horizons at the time, but the idea that one does not also think about the other person's perspective isn't necessarily so.

Knowing that what delivering a spanking does for him (in my case) so marvellously complements what being spanked does for me is mindblowing and becomes more of a gestalt experience where the combination feels more than the sum of the parts. I do imagine what it's like for him and that is part of the buzz.

I would feel very odd if the person delivering wasn't getting something as powerful from the experience as I was. Of course with our unique personal mix of fantasies, sexuality and/or emotional or sensory need/desire there will be a 'barter' in many relationships whenever and however spanker and spankee come together. This means it is likely that one delivers or receives from love or other motivation rather than a matched desire. And of course there is a buzz in that as well. But that can come from either 'end' as it were. And like sex, kindness and friendship, spanking can be a gift from the receiver or giver.

...OK - an anorak test - Did you know that anorak used not to be an acceptable word in Scrabble as it was listed as a foreign word? So now I've proved I too am an anorak in the current meaning of the word, what's this about canes?! And where do the anoraks come into it?

If your fantasy is caning an anorak-clad woman while wearing your favourite sensible jacket I must apologise for misleading you and letting you down. I want to talk about canes and gently tease those who get a bit precious about their equipment (moving on hastily and doing my best to resist an obvious double entendre...).

When I saw myself as a softie and fantasised about canes my lover and I started to just wonder about the 'real thing'. We were too nervous to buy a real cane, so like many started off with a garden cane. As we'd read stuff on spanking sites, we did know this wasn't recommended. We were sensible, but private and wanted to start somewhere. I told him he had to read up on caning before he tried it and he did. We knew that garden canes may break (which is why 'proper' canes, usually made of rattan are recommended)but as we were only just experimenting, he wasn't planning on using tremendous force.

We found the right levels for us and it was all terribly exciting and did me no lasting damage. We both found something very thrilling and erotic about the cane. I then felt courageous enough to buy my first cane - from Ann Summers! Now I know people can be very sniffy about buying stuff from non-specialists, but it was a terribly exciting first step. He then bought a second, slightly heavier cane from the wonderfully named 'Little Amsterdam'!

I couldn't resist joining in serious noticeboard discussions on real canes and a maker and purveyor of 'the real thing' did explain to me at length that mine were probably made of rattan and there were hundereds of types of rattan. If you want more of the techie stuff, others are better qualified than me to provide it.

Sadly, my A.S cane did break,but being enterprising, my other half simply cut it down so we now have a cane that can be used at closer quarters rather effectively

So, while I think safety and common sense are important, I don't think one needs a safety certificate to smack a bottom! So my advice is play safe and have fun, but don't feel you have to attend a masterclass before you can experiment. On the other hand, if you do fancy a masterclass fetish fairs and events can oblige. If you're a bit more into privacy, then get to read stuff on noticeboards.

One of the most fascinating debates around adult, consensual spanking is whether or not it is sexual. This astonished me. As my interest in the thing was a seemingly life-long fascination that made me weak at the knees I couldn't see how it could be anything else. I was a bit suspicious of those who saw it as a sensual, physical or emotional desire or need but not a sexual one. I then learnt this was a central controversy among spankos.

I realise that denying its sexuality was useful for some - If you get spanking outside your primary relationship or at parties seeing it as non-sexual might be useful. So I was cynical and remain so about some of those that deny its sexuality. the idea that a spanking at a party or with a friend was 'fun' but different from what you did with your sexual partner did not and still does not convince me that this makes the act a non-sexual one. After all sexual intercourse can be 'fun' with someone other than your partner, but it's still definitely sex...

What did convince me that it was not sexual for everybody was listening to those for whom there was no apparent advantage to seeing it as sexual or non-sexual - especially those that found it erotic sometimes and cathartic at others. And listening to the way they described what was happening inside their heads also made me rethink my attitude. The emphasis was on challenge - climbing mountains, running marathons and other analogies of endurance intrigued me and made sense at some level. I could relate to that and see that for some people, that acievement (along with endorphins and raised seratonin) in itself could be the payoff. Many of us have met someone trying to explain how they get a buzz out of bungee jumping, running or whatever and while the language is often similar to that around sexual pleasure it is obviously something else. I now imagine spanking is like that for some people.

My thoughts are somewhat different, as I am someone who does see spanking as sexual. That does not mean spanking has to be followed by obvious sexual activity - Just that I find the thought and actuality erotic. I've likened it to kissing, cuddling and petting. There are times that such activities are fabulous sexy fun without 'going all the way' and are undoubtedly sexual in themselves. And of course there are times when such activities lead to further sensual and sexual fun - And so with spanking. What I hadn't expected (and has helped me to understand why it can be non-sexual for some) is just how satisfying the spanking can be in itself.

What has also been a surprise (and a difference between fantasy and reality)is that spanking can be erotic for the spankee at the time. In fantasy and my erotica spanking is 'punishment' with sexual arousal as a by-product. My heroines tend to 'endure' a spanking and may find the idea erotic or not, but find themselves aroused afterwards.

Spanking can be entirely erotic and pain-free below a certain threshold - like massage or other forms of contact. But it can be also erotic alongside the pain and I've tried writing about this in more experiential stuff (like Erotic Ambivalence on my website). The pain itself is eroticised as are the things going on inside your head.

I'd be interested to know if this makes sense to others whether they share the interest or not.

I've just discovered I now have two friends here officially! As a 'newbie' I'm like a kid with a new toy. It was lovely that luchan invited me and became my first friend here. And I'm thrilled that Romola has taken up my invite - thank you!

I was hoping that getting into blogging may spur me into writing some spanking stuff and today I completed a story! I only wrote about 500 words, but thet were the last five hundred words so it feels great. the story was started on one of the hottest days of the year, inspired by the idea that it may be too hot to play, so now autumn is definitely upon us it has been a while getting finished.

Other outstanding masterpieces in the makingare a piece of pseudo-Victoriana; a tale around neolithic times (Don't ask!) and a school story where the teacher gets spanked:D With a bit of luck my muse will come along and hit me around the head - Actual spanking is great for feeding the imagination, but not so good for the actual setting down of the words...

Talking of spanking - Can anyone explain tags to me? I tried doing tag search for spanking (no surprises there!) and seemed to be getting links to porn by the look of it...Were these links to stuff as dubious as presented? Or is it assumed that certain keywords are automatically going to be dubious in nature and get an automatic 'porn warning'? Info welcome!

...but thought I'd have a little scribble. As I was about to start I got email from my other half who says he's read my blog and likes it!:D So I'm now dead chuffed as we say in Cardiff!

I just caught some of the Jonathan Ross Show on the box and Emma Thompson seemed to be talking about her new film 'Nanny McPhee'(?) and S/M - She was wearing wicked looking boots which apparently were bought for her by an S/M Mistress...A bit confusing as I missed the connection and background to why this woman had bought boots for Emma.

It seems that 'Wossy'thinks S/M is too much like hard work and gets in the way of you eating toast! To be honest, I'd have thought decent vanilla would get in the way of toast-eating as well, unless you have a fetish for toast crumbs...Now I've nothing against toast, but haven't tried incorporating it into my erotic life.

While I'm not experienced in the art of bondage (either end of the rope!) I suspect that those that are, have worked out their rules of engagement. If it's not already on the list, perhaps having your toast before getting tied up would be sensible - Although somehow I suspect practitioners of Japanese ropework or similar would have already worked that one out for themselves...

When my other half was away I thought it would be fun to buy a new toy or two and bought a 'riding crop' from Ann Summers. Definitely fun, if overpriced and not overly solid. Of course it started us wondering about the 'real thing'...

I found myself in Llandudno (as you do!) at a loose end and in search of birthday presents. I was thinking in terms of books and slippersand art materials when I spotted some riding crops in the window of a leather/bag shop. I sauntered in noncholantly and discovered the crops at the far end of the shop. They had obviously realised the alternative market as everything in 'saddlery' but the 'whips' were reduced! Oh... and they had a rather cheeky little thing with a little leather 'hand' that I couldn't quite see in use at the Derby...

I got the giggles and was very tempted by a thing called a 'training whip' which had a handle about a yard long and very long tail. I reluctantly decided this wasn't very sensible and was a bit much for use in my modest little house. I got more giggles imagining taking it back to the hotel!

The crops were great though. I'm not a leather fetishist, but love the smell (and taste) of leather. I chose a very nice one with a black handle and ivory coloured tab. I also couldn't resist one of the 'handies' - a snip at a mere seven or eight pounds compared to the the £27 I paid for the real thing.

Not sure who enjoyed his birthday most, but a fun time was had by us both. Surprisingly, the 'handy' is more painful than the 'real thing'. The crop has more depth but Handy has a sting that makes me catch my breath.

Well, I've been aware of blogs for some time and was listening to a serial on the radio about a seventy-year-old female blogger, so thought I'd give it a go!

I've written my profile and clicked 'friends' tag and discovered I don't have any! Such is life...

So why a blog? Not sure. I have a website - a free, amateur one that I set up rather like this, but I thought a blog may be less static and more fun. If you want to see samples of my writings on spanking and some more background then do visit me at http://suzeemoon.friendpages.com/ I'd appreciate your comments.
I did start a blog there but I lacked the motivation to keep it up (Ooh,err, Missus - I'm afraid I have a soft spot for bad double entendres! - You have been warned!)

I do like the idea of a blog for the random thoughts I have around the topic of spanking because I think that would be fun and it will feed my thoughts around the writing.

I've written lots of spanking stories but(apart from being 50% of a third prize winner!) am unpublished as a writer of fiction. My spanking autobiographical piece was published in an anthology and is based on coming to terms with the fantasies.

I'm currently working on a spanking book that is a mix of fantasy and general information, ideas and thoughts.

As said in my profile I have a partner and consider myself very lucky to have met someone. I do not see myself as a 'scene' person as I do not attend spanking or BDSM parties or events although I have attended 'munches' in the past (purely social meetings in pubs for people who share an interest) I do however, sometimes post on spanking sites when the mood takes me and am fortunate to have met some lovely people in real life and cyber who are into spanking and/or BDSM (I think it stands for Bondage/domination/submission/sadism/masochism, but I may have left something out)

The issue that's biggest for many at the moment is that of the proposed legislation against extreme pornography. Personally I would be delighted if images of extreme sexual violence were illegal, but there are issues around what is extreme and some vagueness around how violence is defined. technically a lot of what spankers and spankees enjoy could probably be classed as ABH if not GBH (Others would define better than me and with more authority. Most of us like something more than just a slightly glowing bottom without being into serious BDSM. This is not a dig at BDSM - I'm a believer in live and let live subject to safe, sane and consensual (the definitions of which are several other cans of worms!) Anyway - back to my point - Even some of us us spankos get a thrill from the odd bruise and cane mark.

Now personally I'm no longer into pics, but when I was first coming to terms with accepting myself as a spankee I was obsessed with finding images. It was unbelievably thrilling and terribly important to me. I happen to like quite mild images, but can see that that was simply a matter of personal choice. I would hate to see the images that were once my lifeline disappear. My concern with the proposed legislation is a panic over what falls foul over it and images not being available, or someone like me risking criminalisation over looking at pics that while not to the taste of the majority are harmless.

here endeth my first blog!