One of the most fascinating debates around adult, consensual spanking is whether or not it is sexual. This astonished me. As my interest in the thing was a seemingly life-long fascination that made me weak at the knees I couldn't see how it could be anything else. I was a bit suspicious of those who saw it as a sensual, physical or emotional desire or need but not a sexual one. I then learnt this was a central controversy among spankos.

I realise that denying its sexuality was useful for some - If you get spanking outside your primary relationship or at parties seeing it as non-sexual might be useful. So I was cynical and remain so about some of those that deny its sexuality. the idea that a spanking at a party or with a friend was 'fun' but different from what you did with your sexual partner did not and still does not convince me that this makes the act a non-sexual one. After all sexual intercourse can be 'fun' with someone other than your partner, but it's still definitely sex...

What did convince me that it was not sexual for everybody was listening to those for whom there was no apparent advantage to seeing it as sexual or non-sexual - especially those that found it erotic sometimes and cathartic at others. And listening to the way they described what was happening inside their heads also made me rethink my attitude. The emphasis was on challenge - climbing mountains, running marathons and other analogies of endurance intrigued me and made sense at some level. I could relate to that and see that for some people, that acievement (along with endorphins and raised seratonin) in itself could be the payoff. Many of us have met someone trying to explain how they get a buzz out of bungee jumping, running or whatever and while the language is often similar to that around sexual pleasure it is obviously something else. I now imagine spanking is like that for some people.

My thoughts are somewhat different, as I am someone who does see spanking as sexual. That does not mean spanking has to be followed by obvious sexual activity - Just that I find the thought and actuality erotic. I've likened it to kissing, cuddling and petting. There are times that such activities are fabulous sexy fun without 'going all the way' and are undoubtedly sexual in themselves. And of course there are times when such activities lead to further sensual and sexual fun - And so with spanking. What I hadn't expected (and has helped me to understand why it can be non-sexual for some) is just how satisfying the spanking can be in itself.

What has also been a surprise (and a difference between fantasy and reality)is that spanking can be erotic for the spankee at the time. In fantasy and my erotica spanking is 'punishment' with sexual arousal as a by-product. My heroines tend to 'endure' a spanking and may find the idea erotic or not, but find themselves aroused afterwards.

Spanking can be entirely erotic and pain-free below a certain threshold - like massage or other forms of contact. But it can be also erotic alongside the pain and I've tried writing about this in more experiential stuff (like Erotic Ambivalence on my website). The pain itself is eroticised as are the things going on inside your head.

I'd be interested to know if this makes sense to others whether they share the interest or not.