Well, I'm less tired, so here goes....

Having had spanking fantasies for as long as I can remember I led a fairly ordinary life as a broad minded but non-kinky serial monogamist. I found myself without a partner in my thirties and decided to advertise. And I thought I had nothing to lose so mentioned my kink. I was terrified as I honestly didn't know if I wanted the real thing or not. I met one chap with his own canes(!) and found the reality exciting, but relationship petered out. I then met a wondeful man with whom I clicked and while he 'knew' because of ad, it never really became an issue. We had a wonderful relationship for several years.

I wrote an autobiographical piece for an anthology on sexuality and realised that while the contents were true the piece wasn't 'the truth'. I wrote a second piece about being a feminist with spanking fantasies, and then started writing spanking fiction. I alo began exploring websites and exchanging messages and posting. I found myself drawn to someone and felt rather confused about it. I decided I needed to confide in someone, so 'came out' to my closest female friend N who was cool and brilliantly supportive.

My closest male friend G was also brilliant. I told him I was drawn to someone in cyber and said there was a kink, but not what it was. I then discovered my autobiographical pieces were being published so was buzzing. At the time I was horrified about my kink coming out but it had become a joke between us. And I knew he'd recognise me from background details of piece once he read it. So once the 'You will now have to die' jokes wore thin I told him as well.

N and G were just wonderful - As I knew they would be - I just would not have friends who were not the tolerant and broadminded type. Since then I have become more relaxed and tend to suss out how people may react. I am open about writing erotica and some I tell more and some I don't.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I do believe in privacy and while being an open person and broadminded about sexuality I had never discussed what I do or don't do myself. Yet, I do feel that assumptions are made about those of us who are into spanking, BDSM or fetishes and I feel I want to get people thinking and talking. Noticeboards on specialist sites seem to be full of the questions and issues that have been around for gay people:
Nature/Nurture
Vulnerability to blackmail
Being seen as unfit parent
Whether to be 'Out and Proud'
Is it sexual?
Is it a chosen lifestyle?
Is there a 'community?
Can people 'convert' either way?
Can you live without it?
etc...

I think it is interesting for the questions and issues to be raised outside the so-called BDSM/spanking community. And this is my contribution. I don't do anything to frighten the horses. I have what appears to be a normal life (whatever that is!) I am happy to answer questions through this blog.

I've just had a perfectly lovely evening with a very dear female friend - She was the person to whom I first 'came out'. I shall write about 'coming out' when less tired.

At the moment I just want to show my apreciation and pleasure at friendships of various kinds. I joked about being 'Billy No Mates' when I started blog. It was lovely that luchan invited me to be a Blog friend (Is that the terminology?) and others are reading me and making comments - Thank you! Since then Jason has become a further blog friend.

I was delighted when Romola was first to accept my invitation to blog friendship - We've admired each other's postings elsewhere. And Tov in his usual enthusiastic way not only became a blog friend but commenting on my postings (and I know I owe you an email, Tov!). And now I'm delighted to discover that smartie has also joined us.

I think friendship is terribly important to most of us, but friendships among those with whom you share a kink and those who are cool about kinks can be life-enhancing after a long time in the kink closet! It's great to be able to feel accepted and have a giggle about a whole new set of double entendres.

And I must admit sitting through a Welsh class trying to keep a straight face when the teacher threatens to be strict is quite a challenge when my fellow student and close male friend knows my kink.