Hi Suzee,
just a couple of questions.

Was there a 'Road to Damacus' moment when you suddenly felt that you could accept your sexuality?

Do you feel frustration with the idea of internalised oppresion as it clearly prevented you from fully accepting yourself?

Love timsuzi xx

No 'Road to Damacus' moment - just a gradual coming to terms and some huge steps...

First giant step was being single in my late twenties
I decided I’d like a sex life and I would get one in an honest, adult way. I would do it through the ads. I decided to do so through an ‘adult’ magazine. I also figured as I was planning to meet potential sexual partners I could risk the fantasy. With trepidation I wrote to a man who listed ‘spanking’ as an interest. I had some experience with him, but in an embarrassed, confused way. The relationship fizzled as we had little in common.

I then advertised myself and met a lovely man and had a wonderful relationship for twelve years. Although he knew, I was too embarrassed to push anything and it simply lay dormant in my life but active in my imagination.

I then wrote autobiographical piece (See stuff on my site for details if interested)and decided to have a go at writing spanking fiction. This gave me excuse to search net and I found fellow spankos and started to feel more normal about it but not entirely.

I found myself drawn to someone in cyber who shared the fantasy and I was confused and needed to sort my head out, so confided in my best female friend - Although she is accepting and liberal and I knew she'd be OK it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

And then when I knew I was gong to be published I told my best male friend. Since then I've relaxed and am semi out of the closet.

Do you feel frustration with the idea of internalised oppresion as it clearly prevented you from fully accepting yourself?

No, because I believe IO is a genuine and damaging reality that keeps some people oppressed. It certainly limited my options as a woman growing up. It might well be that IO formed my view of sexuality and the erotic, but I do not feel a victim of it as I have now made choices that are personally liberating.