I thought after the serious debate I'd post something I wrote that is intended to be both sexy and frivolous. There are people who practice what they call 'domestic discipline'(DD) that seems to be literally just that. Some of them consider it non-sexual. Robert and Carole are fictional practitioners and Carole claims that DD is a form of therapy and gets spanked in a kathartic way to Robert's erotic pleasure. This extract is from a story about Robert's fiftieth and is about delivering an unashamedly erotic spanking. it also explains why when asked if spanking leads to sex i say yes, but sex also leads to spanking. Like 'Robert', I see eroticism and sexuality as circular rather than linear...

...Robert nibbled her ear, whispered she was a saucy wench and discovered the outline of her new basque under her pretty but modest dress. As he pressed her to his twitching, burgeoning eagerness he slid up the back of her dress and murmured “Naughty, naughty, naughty Carole,” as he discovered the silky tie-sided briefs she had bought especially for his birthday. “Boy, do you deserve a spanking”, he groaned, as he clutched her twitching bottom. Of course Carole tried to protest but Robert’s erection was almost bruising her, so tightly was she clutched to him, and that mesmerising massage of her bottom and his ear-nibbling and lust-filled murmurings… and it was his birthday…
“No Robert, I don’t think…”
And suddenly Carole was being pulled upstairs. Of course when they reached the bedroom she didn’t move a muscle as requested by her eager husband, other than to help him quickly remove her dress. She was proud of her figure and knew how well she looked in her scarlet and black basque with the matching skimpy knickers but she was embarrassed at the naked lust in his eyes as Robert drunk in every inch of his wife’s secret birthday present – herself gift-wrapped!
She was astonished at how quickly the usually careful Robert stripped off completely and was once again proud and embarrassed – this time by the lewd display of his swaying erection and his obvious delight in her naughty underwear. Her lingerie had certainly got sexier recently but she’d never worn red and black before, nor chosen a corselet that supported her breasts but barely covered her nipples in see-through lace…
“You are so naughty…” and now his naked manhood was pressed directly against her flimsy red knickers as he massaged her bottom. She wouldn’t think about the look he gave her as he’d carefully placed his belt on the bed, despite the carelessness towards his other clothes…
“…so naughty…” as her nipples were drawn out over their lacy confines and revealed to his probing gaze, fingers and tongue…
“…so very, very, very, naughty” as he squeezed her bottom and sucked her nipples…
Carole told herself that as a sensual woman and loving wife she would of course please her husband on his birthday but do nothing kinky… It was only natural that she would trust her husband and of course she wouldn’t question his understandable desire for her. It was only the heat of the moment that made her unaware that after nibbling her breasts and massaging her bottom she was somehow on the bed in basque, knickers, black stockings and her highest stilettos and somehow over his lap… As Robert leaned against the headboard with his wife’s bottom on his thighs Carole felt a pang of anxiety but his hand on her bottom and his murmurings rendered her helpless. She really didn’t intend parting her thighs but they were a sensual couple and Robert’s hand was irresistible, especially as his other hand was playing havoc with her sensitive nipple.
She became dimly aware of Robert’s full concentration on her bottom and aching inner thighs when the first lazy slap landed on her silky covered bottom. She was about to protest, but despite the shock of the unexpectedness, it could have been an over-enthusiastic caress she told herself as the stroking of her inner thighs made her eager for more intimate contact… The second ‘caress’ felt rather like a spank but she was confused by the further attention to her bottom and thighs that encouraged her to move towards that sneaky stroking hand… The resounding slap to her full bottom left her in no doubt she was being spanked, but the following caress over and inside her silky briefs confused her and halted her protests beyond her automatic yelp of surprise...

You have explained everything to me quite patiently and to my satisaction. I will definitely look towards this more comfortably now. It has triggered many thoughts and this whole interaction is going to help me in many ways I guess. I am very thankful to you and feeling luckey to find person like you in this blogsphere.
Though you have cleared my basic and primary blocks, the discussion I think will go on as every time some new questions keep coming in my mind.
What happens when some one gets partner whose 'spanking' nature has not been triggered? Will it impact the sex life and relation altogether? Or whether it is possible for person who is not having spanking nature to derive pleasure of relaionship without spanking act?
For instance I have een many happy couples in India who are unable to give birth to child together but they can enjoy their sex life as well as relation. Is it possible in this case or is it like not having sexual life altogeher without spanking?

Varshkale,
I’m not sure if you are familiar with the English expression of ‘a can of worms’ but your questions open one! They are the fundamental issues that trouble those who have natures like mine. If you visit sites dedicated to the topic people are asking just those questions. It is possible to have a spanking nature and live without spanking, but whether one does or not depends on other characteristics and circumstances for the individuals concerned.

In my experience of discussions with others, men tend to be better at expressing their nature and needs and are more likely to have had the need met by partners and ex-partners, but by no means not always. Someone who loves you, but does not share this desire may ‘indulge’ you for a while but then become bored or resentful. They may also find it an erotic novelty that they may or may not sustain.

There are women who have also been very open and got what they want. There do however; seem to be a lot like me who have only acknowledged their ‘true’ nature as they see it in mid-life. It is possible to have a nature like mine and enjoy and only practice ‘normal’ sex. I did so until very recently. Once I acknowledged and began to openly explore this I began to feel differently about it. I would be reluctant to give up spanking as it brings such pleasure. It doesn’t stop me enjoying other forms of sexual expression. Someone described it to me as dual sexuality and it is how it is for me. I get sexual pleasure from sex and from spanking.

Also there are people who have a sexual and emotional relationship or marriage but seek spanking or BDSM pleasure elsewhere. Sometimes this is with their partner’s permission and sometimes done secretly. There are various opinions as to whether spanking is sexual and whether such behaviour is infidelity. The issues are not dissimilar to those around a loving but non-sexual marriage, except that spankos disagree as to whether spanking is sexual or not. As I said – lots of cans and lots of worms!

To add to it, once you said that spanking is like sex to you. Does that mean it substitutes sexual intercourse? I mean if you have spanking act you do not want to have sexual acts other then spanking

Another fascinating question from Varshakale!

When I fantasised about spanking I saw it as a form of foreplay that would make me very excited and lead to other sex acts. What surprised me was that I did find it satisfying in itself. When I am spanked I do not need to have sex, but always enjoy doing so as it is arousing. I have likened it to kissing and cuddling. Usually kissing and cuddling is a prelude to sex and is very exciting and as you kiss and cuddle you want sex and would be disappointed if it did not happen. There are times however when circumstance or time or mood mean that sex will not take place, or may be delayed. For me and some others this sexy kissing and cuddling and sexual arousal without further excitement can be very pleasurable. And this is true for me with spanking. I love spanking that leads to sex. And I love kissing and cuddling that lead to sex. And I find both spanking and kissing and cuddling to be marvellous and pleasurable activities in their own right.

If they could only have one or the other some spankos would choose spanking over sex. I honestly don’t know what I would choose if I had to make such a choice. But I would also find choosing between sex and chocolate very difficult! Luckily I am able to derive pleasure from sex, spanking and chocolate and do not have to make such choices!

I am also aware of some people who have lost interest in sex and have spanking as a substitute. Some of these people would argue that while it is a pleasure of the senses, spanking is not sexual because it does not lead to sex nor arouse them sexually. As I have said before, regardless of whether I have sex, I find spanking erotic so to me it is sexual.

Thanks once again for such interesting questions. Just a quick reminder to my readers that the contents of this blog merely reflect my perspective. If you require wider views then do visit some spanking and BDSM sites (links to a couple in my website: http://suzeemoon.friendpages.com/ )

ramachandramenon said:

This is totally bizzarre.
Infliction of pain gives pleasure to the giver and the receiver. Sex is something more sacred. It is the union of two bodies, their minds and their souls. Whether for procreation or otherwise, sex will have to be more harmonius in approach and performance. Not inflicting pain or bleeding.
I am not an expert. This is what occurs to my mind.

I have acknowledged elsewhere that to those that such practices do not appeal may find such things bizarre. However, sex is not necessarily more sacred – It can be – It depends on attitudes, beliefs and mind-set of participants. I believe that sex can be many things depending on what participants bring to it. And issues of culture, religion and ethics will colour the meaning of sex. Personally I believe sex can be many things and if it is not exploitative and abusive (ie non-consensual) I am very happy for it to be gloriously varied in meaning and practice. “The union of two bodies, their minds and their souls” sounds lovely and I have experienced it, and experience it with my partner, but this union is certainly not the defining tenets of my experience of sexuality.

As said elsewhere pleasure in erotic pain is recorded by various people and cultures so is certainly part of the continuum of sexual pleasures available to people. Personally I have never been made to bleed, but I find harmony in pain and it’s aftermath. I do not have a problem with more severe practices among others if that is their thing.

Few of us (Me included!) are experts and it is interesting to share opinions.

Storage Guy said:

I think that as long as its two adults that are consenting, then there should not be a problem. I must admit that I think that its quite nice, mind you, strange at first, and its not something thaT I do all the time. Also, it may not help you as I am gay. But, as I said, as long as they both dont mind, the go ahead!

I think that ‘live and let live’ is my perspective as well. Thank you for your contribution. It is interesting that people like me can be so fundamentally focussed on something while others like yourself can see it as something pleasurable but peripheral.

Roblayton said:

I am afraid I am not qualified to answer this question, as I know nothing about this subject.
A few of you may know that I am a Mens Right's Activist, I am in contact with many men who have been accused, and abused by women.
The Mens Movement is totaly apposed to violence of any kind.
Many of the men I hear from, are to afraid to tell of the violence they suffer at the hands of their partners because of the ridicule they have to face from friends and family if they try to tell anyone.
We hear from alot of boys of violent acts against them by girls because they know that they can get away with it.
I personaly witnessed an afray in the distance one morning.
A group of girls attacked a boy a lot smaller than most of them, he took one hell of a beating until he retaliated and struck one of them, his mother came out of the house and gave him a good beating.
Everyone has sexual preferences, how people choose to live is their own business, my fear is that an act such as this could lead to something far worse than a bit of sexual gratification.
As I said I am not qualified to answer your question but this is my opinion for what its worth.
Rob.

Thanks, Rob. You raise serious points that echo Varshkale’s concerns and indeed my own. I abhor violence, but acknowledging the erotic play around pain opens the dialogue about difference between abuse and non-abuse. I know a male sub who has been victim of domestic violence (not my story to tell) as well as women survivors of violence who have tastes similar to mine. As far as I’m concerned consensual BDSM and spanking is as far removed from domestic abuse as consensual sex is from rape. But misconceptions cloud issues and make disclosure difficult around such abuse. I am hoping serious dialogue around such matters will help.