I read somewhere that the two don't mix. I find my Cariad's writing both humourous and very sexy.
I once wrote a pastiche of erotic writing as a joke for my computing class and I then turned it into a spanking story. I think it's sexy despite it's absurdity. The trigger was me learning the term 'contiguous' as computing concept - i'd forgotten it was a Christmas story! Merry Spanking Christmas, Folks!

Contiguous/Non-contiguous:
(Touching, especially along a line; in contact/Not touching; not in contact)

Try as she might Hermione could not remember whether the term non-contiguous meant together or separate. Try as he might, despite his prodigious skill with his exercises, flipchart, desperate use of his overhead projector and his impressive way with PowerPoint her tutor could not get her to grasp the significance of handling text accordingly. She knew that she may be asked about rearranging text or even numbers that were either contiguous or non-contiguous in the dreaded ECDL tests but somehow the very words filled her with confusion and panic. She knew that stalactites grew down and stalagmites grew up; she could recite the planets and the colours of the spectrum in order and could quote chunks of Shakespeare so why was ‘non-contiguous’ so confusing? As a psychology graduate she knew it was illogical and the remedy to her block lay elsewhere.
Luckily her tutor was also a bit of a psychology expert himself. He had first-class qualifications in psychology from the School of Hard Knocks, the University of Life and the College of Common Sense. Equally fortunately, Hermione was a private student so there were no restrictions on his teaching methods.
He had honestly done his best to keep it all non-contiguous and carefully avoided inappropriate contact with his charming student but somehow she managed to achieve contiguity half a dozen times a lesson with her casual brushing against him and light but lingering touches. When Hermione was non-contiguous she still managed to distract him with her stretches, sighs and subtle perfume. The Christmas drink she insisted he had with her gave her the opportunity to achieve further contiguity as she was determined they experiment with complicated arm-linked toasts and then used the crowded pub as her excuse to sit so close that the contiguity of their thighs on the banquette seemed to burn through their clothing.
Hermione looked as stunning as ever in her sweet and clingy baby-blue jumper and very respectable mid-calf suede skirt. He did however find suede very strokeable and it did seem very insubstantial; as soft and buttery as a chamois cloth. Those incredible strappy stilettos and dark hosiery really suited her and he wondered idly at their suitability in wintry weather and surely that slight rasp as she crossed her legs indicated stockings… he was sure that as she shifted slightly he could discern the gentle bulge of a suspender button and he felt undone.
When Hermione invited him for a cocktail at her town pied-à-terre he knew that he would be unable to resist the full contiguity she was determined to achieve…
What Hermione did not realise was that her tutor had some rather more unorthodox teaching methods at his disposal. As a professional he tended to keep these to himself but tonight Hermione had overstepped a line…
As they reached Hermione’s bay side apartment block her tutor found himself trembling with anger and lust. He was not a man to be controlled and Hermione had sat so close to him in the taxi that he could have no doubt about the unsuitability of her clothing for this chilly night nor her intentions towards him. And never had a request for ‘revision’ on contiguity sounded so rude…
As they entered her penthouse suite Hermione fussed with lighting and drinks. Her tutor stood there sternly.
“Hermione, you realise that as I am now a guest in your home, the tutor-student relationship no longer holds?
“Oh, yes, Sweetie”, she giggled, “but I’m hoping that you’ll find a way of helping me understand this ‘contiguity’ problem of mine…”
“Well, Hermione, I am a man of experience and have had rather good results with helping young ladies overcome such blocks – but purely as a friend…”
“Oh,” she whispered huskily “I would be sooo grateful if you would help me as a friend.”
“Hermione, you must understand, that learning can sometimes be protracted and painful, but I’m willing to make the effort if you are prepared to put yourself in my hands and trust me as a friend who has particular skills with difficult and challenging students.”
“Oh, yes! That was just what I was hoping you’d say,” breathed Hermione, rushing eagerly to her tutor as he stood by the large, comfortable sofa.
As she reached to hug him, he frowned at her.
“First things first, young lady, we need to set some ground rules. Although I am going to tutor you as a friend, it is important that you respect my authority as your teacher, Hermione. My methods are unorthodox but work wonders with your type of behaviour. Are you sure I have a free hand to deal with you appropriately and use more physical methods than with a regular student?”
Hermione was practically dancing with joy.
“Oh, yes! Please be physical. I know I need something extra to help me get things straight in my head,” she laughed joyfully.
“Oh, Hermione, I have every intention of getting things straight, Sweetheart…but you have been rather naughty, haven’t you? You’ve been very distracting when I’ve done my best to explain contiguity and non-contiguity so many times…”
And Hermione happily agreed that she’d been rather naughty and distracting.
It was proof of his claimed expertise that one minute Hermione was hugging herself with glee in front of her towering tutor and the next he was on the sofa with her across his knee. She was too distracted with confession and her planned contiguity (or was that non-contiguity…?) to take in more than the welcome grasp of his flesh as he took her slim wrist in his strong hand. She was aware of losing her balance as she was pulled off her sexy, spindly stilettos but couldn’t understand how he was sat back in the sofa with her sprawled across him… He’d obviously miscalculated she thought, but Hermione was aware of her own charms and was happy to have him admire her pert, but full bottom.
Hermione felt him take the supple hem of suede in his firm grasp and shivered with delight as he casually uncovered her dark-stockinged thighs. She’d noted his attention to the rasp of her nylons and the intake of breath when she “accidentally” pressed her suspender-buttoned thigh against him. She knew her creamy thighs would contrast well with the black band of her stocking tops and her sweet lacy knickers… And as her skirt travelled inexorably up her thighs she held her breath imagining her tutor seeing first her stockings, then her bare thighs with the baby blue suspender straps to match her sweater. She sighed as he finally uncovered her matching blue panties partly-covering but also displaying the rounded charms hidden beneath her demure skirt. He obviously wasn’t quite as experienced as he claimed as this was hardly an ideal position for contiguity but Hermione was happy to have her pretty rump exposed and admired…
He smiled to himself as the little minx lay so happily over his knee, so sure of herself and his admiration. He’d taught many a lesson over his knee, and was well used to pride, arrogance and defiance but never had he witnessed such insouciance and presumption. The silly girl was so sure of her charms that it hadn’t occurred to her that her behaviour was making him itch to spank her, rather than make love…well, for now anyway…
Hermione may have miscalculated his intention but she was right that her bottom was indeed an admirable sight. After all his struggles against her flirting and inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour this was the sight he’d dreamed about… She was more full-bottomed than he imagined for her stature; a regular pocket-Venus with her bulging blue sweater and nicely filled blue panties. The lace revealed her bottom more rudely than nudity… Taking down her knickers was a pleasure to come he told himself. If she finally grasped contiguity it was a bonus; but tonight’s lesson was about manners and respect he decided. Of course, once she was well chastised she might be more open to the full concentration required for grasping such a simple concept, he mused studying that tempting blue lace-covered target.
Hermione wriggled and sighed over his lap, settling herself more comfortably and wondering why he was no longer touching her, now that her pretty bottom was so exposed to his gaze. As her thoughtful tutor put the cushions under her head and asked if she were comfortable she was surprised and delighted that he wanted to continue to admire her; but was a little disappointed at his restraint. She knew the havoc she had caused him in the pub and taxi, and her squirming over his lap confirmed his continued interest… She’d never had a ‘looker’ before but found his hard-on and her silent exposure thrilling despite the disappointment.
“Well, Miss James, you are now contiguous with my lap and your sofa. You will note that the tips of your elegant toes are still contiguous with the floor. Do you understand?”
“Oh, yes,” she breathed excitedly.
“… And I am considering an alternating contiguity between my right hand and your bottom…”
“Oh, yes,” she sighed realising at last that he intended laying hands on her…
“…But first let’s just have contiguity between my left hand and your waist… We want to keep your skirt clear of your pretty bottom don’t we?” he added, smiling to himself as the aforementioned part of her anatomy gave a further little wriggle. He glanced down her relaxed black stockinged legs. He was expecting those elegant toes to become non-contiguous with the floor very soon.
Smack!
As the tutor landed the first firm spank to her bottom, Hermione yelled and attempted to get up.
Slap!
“Oh, no, Miss James! You are to maintain contiguity with my lap for your spanking. I shall assist you by holding you down,” he explained, maintaining the pressure on her waist.
Spank!
And at a firm but leisurely pace her tutor set about warming pretty little Hermione’s bottom.
He was not a pedagogue for nothing, however. The tutor took pains to explain to Hermione that as promised he was alternating contiguity and non-contiguity between his right hand and her nicely reddening bottom. As she kicked and yelled, he pointed out that her feet had now broken their contiguity with her carpet.
He continued his unhurried spanking as she continued to protest, yell and scream at him. He simply continued to hold her firmly over his thighs, and note the flush visible under her flimsy knickers and on the exposed lower cheeks under the silky triangle of blue lace.
He became aware of her lessening yells of anger and protest as she realised he was impervious to her outraged demands for him to stop. He was impressed that now she was aware there was no escape she chose not to plead but simply cried out in pain at each fiery spank of her bottom… He was enjoying himself but was filled with the desire to pull down the naughty girl’s knickers.
“What a fuss about nothing, Miss James! This is a mere warm up. I shall have to take down your elegant lacy knickers for full contiguity, and then I shall give you something to yell about, young lady. Experienced as he was at warming bottoms, the tutor had little experience of chastising a protesting student, but to his astonishment, young Hermione met his words and continued spanks with gulps and sharp intakes of breath and release in rhythm to the tune he played on her bottom, but otherwise silence.
They both held their breath as his left hand broke contiguity with her waist and both his hands took careful hold of the top of her panties and slowly peeled them down. Hermione’s breath exploded in a pained yelp of pain as knickers and hands travelled slowly over her tenderised cheeks and added a fresh insult to injury.
Her practiced tutor had a delightful inner debate; should the scrap of blue highlight her creamy flushed thighs or contrast with the sexy dark stockings? If on her thighs, just under her bottom to frame it or midway between rump and stockings? On the other hand he liked the contrast of stockings and knickers. He also loved that delicious ‘arrow’ formed by the cleavage of a female bottom and the curve of her cheeks above her thighs. A reminder of pleasures to come… An educationalist’s work is never done he thought happily to himself, arranging a blue band midway down her thighs. He liked the darker stocking tops held by the cheeky blue suspender buttons he’d noted so rudely earlier in the evening. Her blue lace neatly bisected the dark stockings between her sweet knees and those darker tops. He could see the hectic pink of her well-spanked cheeks and the resultant faint glow that had spread to her upper thighs, decreasing to the creaminess of her flesh just above the dark stockings.
He was no longer holding her down, but following the baring of her buttocks she stayed over his knee as placed. Her kicking legs now resting once again with toes on the floor. He’d enjoyed her yells and protests and admired her apparent resignation and near-silence. She appeared compliant, but Hermione was a law to herself, as he knew.
“Hermione, your first spanking was for your inattention and unfair teasing throughout your lessons. Do you understand?”
Silence.
“Very well, Miss James. You are about to be spanked for your outrageous and inappropriate performance tonight.”
Silence.
“As you were so lacking in modesty in the pub and taxi, it is only right that I bared your cheeky bottom for this part of your lesson.”
Despite the continued silence the tutor was gratified by the tremor he felt at his words. Whether fear, shame or excitement, the little madam wasn’t letting on. He was confident that Hermione was inexperienced of such rude attention. He was also confident he could break her silence and make her dance and sing to his tune…
Hermione was horrified. Never in her twenty-five pampered years had anyone dared to abuse her so. Hermione was an experienced but choosey lover. She was used to turning men down but had never yet met a man who refused to ‘play’ when she was so willing to do so. Her tutor had hinted that her attentions were unwelcome and her behaviour inappropriate, but her naughty carelessness always gave him a hard-on; often the man’s trousers were straining when she was behaving herself. She knew he fancied her rotten and his ‘determination to be professional’ was just an annoying irrelevance.
Hermione lay quietly and shocked over her tutor’s lap, feet once again contiguous with the floor and now her pretty blonde bush pressed to his thighs. The arrogant and confident Hermione found her pride, then shock replaced by embarrassment. Usually exposing her beautiful round bottom to a man with an enormous erection would excite her and make her feel powerful. Deep down she still knew she was a sexy sight but never had she felt so powerless and confused. She told herself he was a kinky pervert who could only get off on spanking and was an abnormal freak… She shuddered as she thought of her exposed bottom. It was throbbing and must be so red… She was sure he was enjoying looking at her spanked bottom and knew that he’d only just begun… As she convinced herself he was a sad old pervert she fought against the unbidden desire to be well and truly fucked by the nasty brute…
The tutor studied the delightful bare, red bum so nicely presented over his lap and wondered if Hermione was aware of the answering twitch of his restrained cock as she shuddered and yelped at her exposure. The silence was a little unnerving but she was no longer struggling, merely shivering occasionally despite the heat he could feel radiating from her beautifully glowing cheeks. He placed his left hand once again on her waist, unsure of her compliance and felt her fresh shudders and the slightest of groans.
As he lightly rested his right hand on Hermione’s gorgeous, radiant bum she let out a real groan and a whimper but no protest. He felt a grudging admiration for the little madam. He was, he told himself, too sensible to allow a little thing like respect to get in his way. He had a beautiful young woman over his knee who had her knickers down and was ready for her first spanking ‘on the bare’. After all his years of professionalism and a whole term of the tantalising, teasing Hermione, this was a Christmas treat he intended to savour…