Hope it is fab!

Nice to hear from Blighty with questions to explore

Hi Suzee,
This is a bit random, but why do you never get bored with Spanko? Maybe you do? Or have other less prominent erotic diversions?

The reason I ask is because a fetish isnt something fixed, in the way that sexual orientation is.

Of course, the two statements contained in the preceding paragraph may have widespread cultural acceptance, they remain nonetheless unproven. But devil's advocate and all that, for the purposes of the question I pose.

I don't get bored of the spanking thing, because it seems to be an intrinsic part of my sexuality and as endlessly fascinating and enjoyable as any other sex act - which is what it is to me. As said before/elsewhere - others see it as emotional or sensual rather than sexual, but for me it is sexual. Of course, with time one's interest peaks and wanes according to mood, age, circumstances etc, but like all good sex is definitely still enjoyable.

I would challenge claim that fetish is not fixed in way hetero/homosexuality is. My view of both is continuum of 'fixed', take it or leave it, 'possibly', 'just for fun/variation' and 'No way!'

I know people who are 100% gay and it appears that they could not be anything else like very camp gay men and 'butch' lesbians, but they are not exactly the gay majority. I also believe that many seem naturally bi-sexual, while others seem just adventurous and open to new experiences. My view of orientation as with fetish, is that there is a broad church.

And that's how I see fetish stuff. I suspect I personally had some level of predisposition that got 'triggered' somehow. Like gay people who always 'knew' they were gay, I was fascinated by spanking from childhood, despite lack of experience or incident. And early fascination was not obviously sexual for me, as I did not have the concepts.

And of course we humans can intentionally or unintentionally 'fix' sexual responses. If we find an idea pleasurable and give ourselves further pleasure thinking about it, we reinforce the pleasure principle.

Personally, I did not 'do' solo sexual pleasure before my first sexual relationship at eighteen. But I loved thinking about spanking. And when I finally decided to experiment with self-pleasure, the only thing I could think to think about - or want to think about - was spanking!

My responses to stimulation are quite normal and I am very capable of ordinary sex and think it's delightful. Spanking gives me a whole other dimension to my sexuality and a source of 'brain' sex as well as physical sex.

Hope that makes sense!

If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask.

Just saw a programme on this on C4 series of Sex in the Noughties
http://www.channel4.com/culture/microsites/S/sex_noughties/
I am intrigued by women who write what I consider to be explicit sexual blogs, although I tend not to read in detail, just because they are not my particular thing.

There is a darker side to the story though, one concerned with a fear of being "outed", judged and shamed for such bold and explicit confessions. Anonymity is everything with the female sex blog: you can only tell the absolute truth in all its dirty graphic detail if no one knows who you really are.

I find that rather simplistic. The very nature of interactions is going to be different if your potential partners are going to be written about. Of course anonymity is vital to many, but it could just as easily be about taste and discretion as about shame. The outing of "The Girl with a One Track Mind" just seems like a mean act and invasion of privacy.

I've just had a rant on a noticeboard about something I feel quite strongly so I thought I'd have a rant here as well!

I scream abuse and want to hurl radio against the wall when I hear of 'partnerships with the third sector' - Why? because they're talking about charities doing statutory work for which they've 'competed' with other charities by proving what good value (how cheap!) they are, then are trying to give 'value extra' because that's what is expected of charities! And workers depending on whether (a)more is expected of them, or (b)more is taken from them are reminded that they are either working for (a)a charity or (b)business.

While chasing statutory money it's a bit hard to stay as innovative as one once was. And if you've won money to provide a service that gets referrals from statutory workers, nobody else can afford to use it in significant numbers, and so one is a it trapped into relying on such for referrals. Very alternative! Oh! And once a charity has set up a new project and is reliant on statutory money to continue, one can always see how it's done and then provide service 'in-house in future' and dissolve the lovely fluffy partnership with the third sector.

And then there's this obsession with supporting new projects, because everything is meant to be able to become self-sustaining after a few months/years. So funders and directors keep dressing up core services as new projects to continue work that is going well and everybody has started to get used to being around.

This says it all for me.

Kids Company founder pleads: help me or we will have to close
Acclaimed charity chief warns that without government funding her aid for desperate children must end

Amelia Hill, social affairs correspondent
Sunday August 19, 2007
The Observer

Kids Company, the pioneering charity that helps children and teenagers who have suffered abuse and neglect, will close in March unless the government commits to a new long-term funding package.

The head of the charity, Camila Batmanghelidjh, who has received numerous personal accolades in recognition of her role as founder of the London-based charity, including the Women of the Year Assembly's Woman Of The Year 2006 award, said that the charity was now at crisis point. She told The Observer that, although it would break her heart to shut the charity she founded 11 years ago, she will have no choice unless the government agrees to fully fund Kids Company on a permanent basis.
'I'm exhausted,' she said. 'But not by the children. I want to go back to the front line and work with them directly. I'm exhausted by the sheer effort it takes every single month to scrape together the money to meet the basic needs of these desperate children in this, the fourth-richest country in the world.'

Last year Batmanghelidjh raised the charity's annual £4.5m running costs from 4,700 different sources. 'But to get a true picture of the effort involved, you need to multiply that figure by five,' she said. 'Because I have to ask an average of five people for every one who gives.

'I feel I have done my bit. I have remortgaged my flat twice - once when Kids Company was evicted and again when it had no money. I have no savings. I have nothing. I have done the job of four people for more than a decade. The difference now is that much of my work nowadays is filling in endless applications for funding, trying to figure out endless imaginative projects because the grant system means I can't just say I want permanent salaries for the workers who re-parent these absolutely desperate children,' she said.
I can't continue fundraising in this way because it's not safe for my workers or for the kids,' she added. 'The demands and nature of risk at street level have escalated: since April we have had four shootings on our premises by strangers. One of our boys got a bullet in the neck. Our four security staff now wear bullet-proof vests. Why should I do this while begging for money, month by month? The kids and staff want me back at street level. What am I doing, walking around going to cocktail parties and doing handshakes and photo opportunities for money?'

Many of her children have suffered a lifetime of extreme abuse, violence and neglect, and suffer complex post-traumatic stress syndrome. Kids Company helped over 11,000 children last year and 800 parents and teachers. Its success is not in doubt, thanks to the 15 independent evaluations that have been made of the agency since 2000, all of which describe it as 'outstanding'. The Metropolitan Police are so impressed by the charity's impact on reducing local crime rates that they have requested it consider increasing its opening hours.

But despite its success the charity is, said Batmanghelidjh, trapped: 'The Charitable Trusts who have supported us since our beginning and whose role it is to facilitate social innovation, such as Sainsburys, Esmee Fairburn and the Tudor Trust, have said that because we have proven ourselves it's now the government's turn to fund us. But although central government thinks the local authorities will fund us, the local authorities don't have the money.'

To compound the problem, Batmanghelidjh is finding it ever harder to persuade businesses and individuals to donate. 'Lots of businesses have told us they will be switching their future funding to the Olympics,' she said. 'Others have fallen foul of a new trend of narcissistic philanthropy, which means they want to engineer specific social changes which are quick, easy and measurable. I have had someone from a major company refuse to give me the £50,000 they were looking to donate because, in her words, "Your kind of children don't look good on our annual report".'

In 2005 Kids Company received a £3m grant from central government, but this will run out in March. 'I think central government just assumes I will find a way to keep Kids Company going, but I can't,' she said. 'I am sending [Gordon] Brown a letter next week announcing my intention to close and telling him why.'

Joe Cavanagh, business development director of Parliament's spending watchdog, the National Audit Office, believes the 'baroque complexity' of funding arrangements is damaging the work of many charities.

'The services of many charities are undermined by a lack of co-ordination in the delivery of funding,' he said. 'We need coherence and consistency in the government's funding practices to ensure that charities' valuable work is not hampered by bureaucracy.'

A Downing Street spokesman said: 'We are in the process of finalising the budget for the next three years. These concerns are a little premature.'

Helping Hand

· Camila Batmanghelidjh set up Kids Company in December 1996.

· Last year some 11,000 vulnerable and homeless children used its services.

· It has 181 paid staff and more than 1,500 volunteers. Its annual donations are in the region of £5m.

· Among the charity's sponsors are the Prince of Wales, Cherie Blair and Queen Rania Al-Abdullah of Jordan.

Personally, I don't actually believe in 'charity' as I believe my taxes ought to meet needs, but because I live in such an imperfect world and country I give to various charities and have volunteered for some and done paid work for others....

I've not gone more 'hardcore'/BDSM, but got the giggles that I had pegs in bedroom. Reason was, that it makes changing duvet on your own easier (Suzee's Homemaking Tip 27 ) If you peg duvet to cover it's easier to put on. I realised, however, that I may not be believed. The use of everyday objects for BDSM/spanking BTW is known as using pervertibles, which amuses me enormously. We have hairbrush, a nasty flyswat and some interestingly shaped kitchen spatulas that count as pervertibles. Not sure if a riding crop counts or not...

For the record those that enjoy pain are into algolagnia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algolagnia
May also be masochists
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masochism

I am far too focussed in my *ahem* specific interests (as is my Cariad!)to be anything but a sub-section of such categories

Unsurprisingly spanking and nudity is a combination that works for some people

Personally, I think clothing for rearranging is rather sexy and the lessening of the layers leading to the baring of the flesh makes the session longer and more varied. And so I like to have things started from a clothed position.

If however you prefer nakedness for sleeping, this does mean that there are times that spanking seems like a good idea, but the spontaneity means a distinct lack of clothing at the 'Eureka!' moment.

The other day my Cariad attempted to work around such a situation by using the quilt to partially cover me for a 'warm-up' spanking. It was a pleasant sensation, but even the cane failed to make an impression.

Being quite logical and a bit of a problem-solver I took matters in hand as well as the top edge of the quilt cover and shook down the quilt, while being just slightly (honest!) rude about my Cariad's logic and problem-solving faculties.

Well, the thin quilt cover provided just enough protection for varied sensation, but not enough to stop me squeaking and exclaiming and it's possible the odd swear word escaped... I guess challenging somebody's logic while said person is wielding a cane isn't that logical...

...another of my Archers fantasies extracts - Well Shula is a pain isn't she? And as for Alistair! I think this beats (pun intended!) decorating the bedroom or family bike rides (remember them?!)to liven up their lives...
The following is part of what happens after Shula'd bonked Richard in the cricket pavilion

And as he pondered Alistair thought of the times Shula could be just a bit – well – smug and pompous… She did have a way of thinking she knew what was best for everyone. He couldn’t bear the thought of her betrayal but he knew she was really sorry and a repentant and subdued Shula was quite refreshing… Why, smacking her arse could be quite enjoyable… Purely to serve justice and make her feel better of course. Alistair could be as noble as Shula at her best. No wonder they loved each other despite the awful rift.

So purely in the interest of justice Alistair went away and thought about Shula’s punishment. To his astonishment he found his ‘research’ quite a pleasant distraction from the hurt, humiliation and anger of her affair. He’d always considered himself a ‘new man’ so other than as a schoolboy and just occasionally as a student he’d avoided ‘men’s magazines’ but he remembered the odd ‘spanking pose’… In order to further his research he bought a copy of ‘Fiesta’ at a motorway stop en route to a conference. He wondered if there’d always been this much about spanking… He could ring up and hear the babysitter being spanked (all the noises) or there was the college girl wife accepting hard punishment or ‘timeless tales of classic corporal punishment.’ Alistair was too sophisticated and too nervous to ring a premium rate number although he found himself surprisingly affected by the lure of “lower your knickers and bend over” and “Sally strapped across her bare behind”. He particularly enjoyed the “Timeless Tales” advert with its tasteful line drawing of a pretty young thing wearing nothing but stilettos and being caned by a professional man and then there was the drawing of a woman not unlike Shula… Only she was bent over a desk wearing stockings and suspenders with stilettos and her knickers around her knees...

Further to my dialogue with Usky - This is my version of Robert's and Lynda's reunion after he went AWOL for those few days...

I returned to Ambridge with a heavy heart. I loved Lyndy but if she could not accept my position over my daughters we would have to part. I loved her but I was no doormat. That it should have come to this I thought sadly, remembering all Lynda’s support for me over the years with the girls’ mother and the business.
Imagine my surprise, then when Lynda fell upon me, weeping and promising the earth; begging me to stay. How could I resist my beautiful and apologetic wife? Light of my life. My Lyndy. My marriage wasn’t over. Lynda had seen reason and loved me still! Of course I forgave her! And then as I took in the glorious sight of my repentant wife a thought entered my head and caused me further disturbance in the trouser department as I saw Ellen’s pert little bottom being soundly caned and spanked. Well, it would be ungentlemanly to make love to Lynda while ‘seeing’ Ellen’s delectable rump.

I was joking with Usksider about The Archers. I have written some 'alternative' versions of the everyday folk. This is the opening of my story of the llamas as a birthday present.
(Lynda convinces herself spanking isn't kinky by dressing it up as some sort of new age philosophy and use of Gallic vocab in her appalling French accent)

Lynda was so excited at the ‘stroke of genius’ that had led to buying Robert the llamas. He was concerned about the extravagance, demurred and insisted they be returned, but he fell for their charms, as she knew he would. They were a lot more loving than his dreadful daughters but she wouldn’t dwell on that. As she so often told Robert, she wasn’t one to bear a grudge; even in the face of massive provocation. And they both knew how often poor Lynda was provoked; but then someone of her refined sensitivities and skills was unlikely to be understood by others – all artists were doomed to suffer so…
There was a slightly embarrassing fallout from her brilliantly perceptive present, though. Lynda was now well used to the domestic discipline that Robert and she found so conducive to good marital harmony. She enjoyed the enthusiastic lovemaking that inevitably followed as a rebalancing of their ying and yang and appropriate reassurance that was an integral part of domestic discipline. Of course she knew Robert got a frisson from spanking her; but she was, after all a very desirable woman, as they both knew. There was nothing ‘kinky’ about this she often told herself. She was also aware that she found her ‘fessées’ thrilling as well as shaming, but knew it was to do with restored harmony, reassurances of Robert’s interest, natural justice, love etc, etc…
His birthday present resulted in some firm fondling of Lynda’s derrière, as well as of the llamas. As he protested at the cost of her gift, he told her how naughty she was for her extravagance and hinted at her need for discipline but without the seriousness he preserved for such ministrations. When Constanza licked Robert’s ear he knew he was bewitched by both his wife and the llamas. He couldn’t possibly part with Wolfgang and Constanza. He was as smitten with them as he was by the naughty, bewitching and charming Lynda as he whispered in her ear while fondling that twitching bottom of hers.
Lynda continued to twitch uncomfortably as Robert repeated how ‘naughty’ and ‘sexy’ his wife was. As she felt his eagerness for her she couldn’t help feeling a little smug at his continued ardour despite his milestone birthday and their years together. Of course Lynda wasn’t going to allow Robert to spank her when she really didn’t deserve it, flattered as she was that he so obviously desired her. Of course Lynda was wearing her nicest underwear for Robert’s birthday and she always wore stockings when not in smart or sensible trousers…

I know - Unlikely isn't it? If Mr Bennett did indulge he certainly wouldn't be telling us about it - He's far too private - strangely so, for a man who's mined his life for such wonderful autobiographical and fictional gems. I loved his more recent book where he was more open because he thought he might be dying. So pleased he's still around.

Now where was I? Oh, yes! AB and fluffy handcuffs! My cariad's been working around the house today (even kinks need radiators fixed and hooks hung - for tea towel I hasten to add!)and we decided on a little lie-down. I was amused at juxtaposition of said cuffs on my copy of AB's writing. They're not serious cuffs - just ones you buy from Ann Summers and the like - bondage-lite rather than serious bondage, but fun.

It was my Cariad's birthday recently and he got a new cane and second pair of handcuffs - Well, I always think a man's got to have a hobby! Needless to say he tried out both on me and found them in satisfactory working order.

20 copies of my short stories have been shipped and are heading my way. Will be great to see them. And then I must get on with putting together books of spanking stories....

Despite having been incredibly busy I have achieved my first goal. I have uploaded the proofed version of my 'straight' short story collection and ordered copies so I will have physical copies of my writing. I shall then think about working on the spanking story collection and having a go of self-publishing them.

Just done a weekend intro training on life coaching. It was very interesting and did make me think. It confirmed what I knew - To be more 'successful' (however I define it) I need to be more goal-setting.

An analogy was used for non-goal-setters as twigs floating down a stream! I decided I was a happy twig...

I have enough insight to know that there is a level of 'cop-out' in this as well as reflection of my nature (whatever that is!)and realise some goal-setting would be useful - perhaps I can become a slightly purposeful twig with just a little outboard motor? I have found that the stream has taken me through some hazards and scary places, but on the whole is a benign stream and despite some low level concern about what's ahead, I feel I'm in a good place that is better than it is for many. And I DO know how to switch on the motor if I need to - I'm just not ready to be a motorised twig!

I did have opportunity to think about Suzee the Writer and I have reset some goals, which I intend carrying out...

Life coaching does sound fascinating and useful and not a bit like my fictionalised version

Suzee knew she was in trouble. She knew that although she usually had all the answers she often didn’t manage to put them into place. She could see life coaching made sense, although some saw it as new-fangled nonsense. She knew from her counselling experience that just telling someone your intentions often made it easier to actually do something. She could see that a life coach was a practical way of moving on with one’s life.
The idea of cyber–coaching was intriguing as well as practical. She knew she’d meet her coach face-to-face as necessary – Well, she thought uncomfortably, not exactly face-to-face as he was clear to point out his unusual methods… the contract was very clear. She would only agree to tasks they both decided were reasonable, achievable and in her best interests. He would encourage her and if she failed to keep her side of the contract she would be spanked.
Suzee realised that finding a life-coach on the spanking site was unusual, but as she was an unpublished writer of the genre it wasn’t surprising she browsed there. She was open to admitting that she fantasised about spanking but she was definitely not looking for real-life experience; at least that’s what she told herself. She also told herself that as she was scrupulous about honouring contracts she would have an additional incentive to keep to her resolutions. She didn’t want to end up skirts raised and knickers down over a stranger’s lap did she? At least that’s another thing she told herself…

My Cariad and I are now published authors of erotica, as previously mentioned. I received the following in an email:

It's great to be published authors, isn't it? Next time I'm filling in one of those online forms and it asks for occupation I can put pornographer. That would give the stats people something to think about. I wonder if they'd have to start a new category or would it be like all those people who put Jedi as their religion on the census form - 47% of pornographers prefer Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

Now I know many will be horrified or sniffy at thought of an Ann Summers cane, but as an 'AS' one was first proper cane we purchased, I feel OK about them. we first experimented with a garden cane (the dreaded bamboo!) and I'm not maimed for life and the sky didn't fall in. AS canes are very light, bendy and soft wood. They are very stingy and can be used to make an impression. Over the years my Cariad has mastered the variations and subtleties of its use, and it suits us.

As reported before we've had the end break off a couple of times and it's been taped, but it is definitely showing it's age, so I bought a replacement.

The Conversation:

Shop Assistant (doubtfully, as she puts it in large bag where end sticks out): Shall I put it this way up? So this end only shows?

Me(practically): Well, last time, they wrapped some paper around the other end so that was showing

SA (bit giggly) Ooohhh - You buy these often do you?

Me (laughing) Only when we wear one out!

Both get the giggles and she wraps crook of cane in black tissue and I walk away with cane and handcuffs - another boring looking Cardiff shopper...

...Well, not quite! But I HAVE made it into treble figures!
My friend G and I joked about me becoming the Spanking equivalent of JK Rowling and when I told people I'd earned ££92.50 writing about sex I'd just dissolve into giggles.

I earned £80 writing two anthology pieces on women's sexuality - One 'straight' and one spanking
http://www.honno.co.uk/dangos.php?ISBN=1870206622
(I'm Sue James as well as Suzee Moon)
My Cariad Stan and I earned £25 between us for a third prize-winning story in the spanking mag 'Submission'
http://www.palmprint.fsbusiness.co.uk/palmprintmags.html

And now Palmprint have put together the prize-winning stories and I'm getting a whole £30 for our story! Stan wrote another story that won first prize, so I get to have whole fee for our joint submission, so I've now earned £122.50 out of erotic writing in four years
That said; I'm so thrilled to be in print again.
Book is:

Sixteen of the Best edited by Sarah Veitch
Published by Palmprint Publications
ISBN 0-9537953-5-7
ISBN13 978-0-9537953-5-2
Cover artwork © James Hamilton
Paperback, 256 pages, Adult fiction
Cover Price £7.95
Published: 1st October 2007

http://www.palmprint.fsbusiness.co.uk/palmprintbooks.html

I've just learnt that my two copies and cheque will be in post as soon as I confirm my address.

Following my last post I realise that anagram of 'a cardi' is Cariad!

Cariad is a lovely Welsh word for dear or darling and is a noun for sweetheart/lover. It is the name I use for my lovely other half in this blog as nothing else is quite as nice...

...well, when you get to fifty you feel the cold!

I've been on shopping expedition for first time in months and was quite chuffed with result. As a buxom broad clothes shopping can be a challenge. To my delight I found two dresses that actually fitted me and had a shape. I am big, but I have a waist, and getting clothes that are my shape is unusual. I also bought a nice enough skirt and nice enough pair of trousers - so quite good all round. I then saw this long line caridigan with deep v neckline- again something with a shape as buttons draw it in at the waist. I thought worn with trousers with nothing under the cardi but a push-up bra it would be rather interesting and somewhat less respectable than at first glance.

I was expecting my Cariad for a visit and it's a while since I dressed up for a date, so thought it would be fun. While contemplating my options I decided on a red basque, black knickers and fishnets with wicked stilettos. And as I wondered what to wear on top I thought of the new cardi - A sort of negligee for the over-fifties!

my Cariad was very impressed with my cardi, but it proved poor protection against the cane.

just been listening to Radio 4 and aware of seasons of programmes on sexual issues. I've posted the following on a BBC R4 messageboard:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbradio4/F2766774
The homepage to the season is:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/arts/sexuality.shtml