I am delighted that one brave soul has come up with some fascinating questions for me. He expressed concern about privacy etc. For the record – I won’t answer anything that makes me uncomfortable, but I know if we really want to understand something or someone quite personal stuff is relevant. So please don’t be shy.

Question 1

I understand the term "rule of thumb" refers to an ancient law(1782, Judge Sir Francis Buller) that allowed (compelled?) a man to beat hiswife/partner on a regular basis as long as the implement used to provide the beating was no wider than the width of the man's thumb. I appreciate this may be outside the realm of spanking, but do you know whether this is in fact true? Also, are you aware of any other commonly used terms of speech that refer to spanking/punishment?

As far as I know this is correct. While real inequality and non-consensual beating is NOT what I term spanking, such a debate is useful to highlight what is and isn’t spanking/BDSM and to raise issue of what is and is not abuse. I do not believe in abuse. I do believe in consensual spanking/BDSM that suits both partners. The following is something I wrote about what I would term ‘domestic violence’

The history of a man's right to beat his wife is a long one founded on centuries of patriarchy and marriage laws that evolved from laws of property. Romulus in 753 BC stated that husbands should rule their wives as necessary and inseparable possessions. This history has continued. Millett (1974:33) states that "traditionally patriarchy granted the father nearly total ownership over wife or wives and children, including the powers of physical abuse and often even those of murder and sale". In 1765 Blackstone produced his Commentaries on the English Law. Smith (1989:4) states that he believed the right to beat one's wife was obsolete but "the lower ranks of the people still clung to their ancient privilege and courts of law still permit a husband to restrain a wife of her liberty in any gross misbehaviour". Despite Blackstone's belief it was not until 1981 that this "right" was actually abolished. This has not, however, prevented 20th century judges from defending the practice. Smith (1989:41) cites the following examples. In 1951 an English judge stated that it would not have been cruel to punish a wife "as one punishes a naughty child". In 1976 a Scottish judge said that "reasonable chastisement should be the duty of every husband if his wife misbehaves... it is a well known fact that you can strike your wife's bottom if you wish but you must not strike her on the face". Becoming a wife, then has meant taking on a special legal status as highlighted by Dobash and Dobash (1979:61) "A status that excluded the woman from the legal process, placed her in the same category as children and servants, demanded surrender and obedience, and elevated her husband to the position of law maker, judge, jury and executioner". This history of a man's right to chastise his wife has resulted in both the acceptability of male violence against women partners and also its invisibility.

You will gather from this I have strong feelings about domestic violence and am very much against it. This did make it hard for me to come to terms with my fantasy and it took me a while to sort it out in my own head. I have every sympathy with those who enjoy similar fantasies to me, but are horrified by ‘real’ violence. I can honestly say I have met some lovely, kind and gentle people who are spankers and BDSMers. For me the reality of a man choosing to ‘punish’ his wife because he has ‘right’ to do so is abhorrent, yet as a fantasy it works for me.

There are couples who claim to practice ‘Domestic Discipline’ as a lifestyle choice based on one partner ‘in control’ who punishes partner for misbehaviour and/or to maintain authority. Personally I see this as consent given in advance. If psychologically and/or sexually it suits a couple to have a lifestyle like this then it is obviously consensual, even if within the boundaries already agreed corporal punishment takes place without expressed consent. Does that make sense? It does to me, although it is not my chosen lifestyle. The lack of consent at point of punishment or spanking is major part of excitement for many who get psychological and/or erotic pleasure from spanking/BDSM/Corporal Punishment.

I know there are other sayings/terms that come from corporal punishment, but can only think about ‘room to swing a cat’ which I believe refers to a whip.