A gentleman of middle years has recently found himself intrigued and excited at thoughts of spanking and possibly witnessing and photographing such things. I must admit I find myself intrigued by his interest and it has made me stop and think.

In Spanko-Land most of the people who’ve shared info seem to feel that they are ‘like that’ and have been since an early age. Like me there is a lifetime of fascination in the shared history. I have no idea whether we are born this way or made. I suspect a pre-disposition that is triggered, but it can only be conjecture and I honestly think it doesn’t matter. As I’ve said elsewhere – no-one feels need for explanation of why Fred is heterosexual or Jane really loves sexual intercourse…

I also believe that Dom/sub, BDSM and spanking form a sexual continuum similar to what I think of as the homo-heterosexual one. Some of us seem 100% straight or gay, some bi and some ‘bi-curious’ and find our sexual preference shaped by an individual/individuals to whom we are drawn. Some get a shock when we find a person or trigger takes us somewhere unexpected. And so it is with kink stuff I believe.

The spanko convert is a rarity on spanking sites, but they seem no less enthusiastic for that. One gentleman got drawn in by a sexy spanking video and is rather popular as a safe, single man in certain quarters.

Since I’ve been writing about spanking in a non-spanking setting I have been told that I have made several people stop, think and consider…

I have a good friend who is a 'convert' and dommes her sub partner and is easily as enthusiastic as any life-long fantasiser.

I guess some of us are more open to novelty and change than others. Some like late-flowering lesbians I’ve met may feel that they discover something in themselves that feels true or has been suppressed.

Admitting to sub/Dom or spanking stuff would not have been easy especially to those of us who are now past forty. Fears of being perverted, bullies, victims etc all make this a challenging area. As a feminist I found it particularly difficult. And as I only like ‘nice’ men, then nice men who really want to spank are not that easy to find! Almost all male spankers with whom I’ve exchanged thoughts have had anxieties that match mine about being a primitive throwback or similar. And female Dommes and male subs have their own issues as you can imagine!

I once had a dialogue on an American spanking site about feminism and spanking. Younger women saw no contradiction, which was great, but I struggled to get there/here.

My gentleman correspondent was fascinated by idea of witnessing and possibly photographing spanking. I can understand that. Voyeurism and exhibitionism are very exciting concepts to many as fantasy and in reality. I personally am private, but many seem to enjoy public spanking and lots seem to like being photographed and taking photographs. At spanking/BDSM events photography is never allowed without permission, but there are those who seem happy to be photographed. And many happy amateurs post pics of their spankings alongside the professional stuff that is available on various sites.

When I first came to terms with my spanking fetish I loved looking at pictures and got such a thrill from the stuff available in cyber.

If anyone has any questions do let me know. Please post as visitor if you are shy or send message via the blogsite and I’ll answer via this blog.

Thank you to those who’ve posed such interesting questions.

Another interesting question from an anonymous reader. Thanks!

When spanking, do you use a paddle, tawse or cane, or do you always spank with the hand? If you do use an implement, which one and why?

The pedants of Spanko-Land and more academic continents may well point out that spanking is only by hand and they’d be right. Dictionary definitions and some spankos would concur on this. As a part-time pedant I play with definitions to suit myself.

I consider myself a spankee because I only like certain attentions paid to one part of my body. There are those who can sing the praises of all manner of pain inflicted on hands, backs, thighs etc but not me.

And for me like many others there is something about the etymology based on the verb ‘to spank’ that leaves me weak-kneed.

Traditional spanking (i.e. use of a hand on a bottom) is just incredibly sexy in my head and in reality. The physicality and intimacy is wonderful. Traditional ‘over the knee’/across the lap spanking rings bells sexually, emotionally and psychologically for me and others.

Like a varied sex life, implements do make spanking more varied and exciting. Use of paddles, rulers, hairbrushes etc all add to the excitement and eroticism and ensure a level of force and sting while sparing the hand of one’s partner!

For me, there is something special about the cane though. Whether it is a ‘British’ thing due to it being in the background of one’s schooldays or not I’m not sure – I think the paddle or a switch may be similar for our cousins across the pond, so it may be cultural. It could also be experience and actual sensation.

I am never caned harshly enough to cause damage, but always enough to hurt and arouse very mixed feelings. For me, there is something ritualistic and mind-blowing about the cane, especially the whole bending over for it that makes me distracted at the very thought of it.

My second favourite implement is the belt and again there is something about ritual of removal etc that does it for me and others who also find it effective.

As said previously and elsewhere my fantasies lie in ‘bratty woman’ stuff rather than school scenario so hand-spanking and possibly belt make sense, but perhaps childhood fear of cane make that powerful? Or perhaps submitting to cane is a head-trip because it is submitting to something made for punishment? Who knows. Works for me…

Thank you so much for the question. As ever, answering questions actually encourages thoughts and ideas.