BDSM is any of a number of related patterns of human sexual behavior. The major subgroupings are described in the abbreviation "BDSM" itself:

* Bondage & discipline (B&D)
* Domination & submission (D&S)
* Sadism and masochism (or sadomasochism) (S&M)

Many of the specific practices in BDSM are those which, if performed in neutral or nonsexual contexts, could be considered unpleasant, undesirable or abusive. For example, while pain, physical restraint and servitude are traditionally inflicted on persons against their will and to their detriment, in BDSM, these activities are engaged in with the mutual consent of the participants, and typically for mutual enjoyment. Any "consent" may or may not amount to legal consent and represent a defense to criminal liability for any injuries caused.

This emphasis on informed consent and safety is also known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer the term RACK (risk-aware consensual kink), believing that it places more emphasis on acknowledging the fact that all activities are potentially risky. There is discussion and dispute about the meaning or intent of the terms, but in essence, both terms refer to all participants acknowledging and accepting some level of risk.

* BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.
* BDSM may or may not involve sexual roleplaying.
* How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not necessarily indicate which role they will play in a scene.
* Some BDSM players are polyamorous or sexually monogamous but engage in non-sexual play with others.
* A couple may engage in BDSM sexuality with an otherwise non-Dominant/submissive relationship dynamic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

A while back I had some interesting dialogue with Varshkale, an Indian feminist with concerns about domestic violence. I am reminded of them as result of recent Woman's Hour feature and my comments on their noticeboard. The following sums up the points I tried and failed to get over on the Woman's Hour Message Board I think. For fuller dialogue click on Varshkale tag on left hand side of screen.

Varshkale asked:

There is a difference between abuse, domestic violence and 'spanking'. Many Indian rural women take beating by their man if it is certain limit as a sign of love. Several women have told me that their husband is not a bad man though he beat them regularly. Some women see it like getting attention. But spanking is completely different from this I guess. The feelings involved seem to be far from being loved by partner, it is something else I guess. You can throw light on this. Do you feel being loved, cared or abused?

And I reponded:

No, the feeling for me is of being loved because my partner loves me and the activity gives us both pleasure.
For me, spanking is like sex. It is what you make it according the relationship and the participants' intentions. It can be meaningful, exploitative, shallow, deep, abusive, co-ercive, casual fun, a sign of love, contemptuous, sacramental, every-day, special, worthless, regrettable, celebratory, moving, loving, embarrassing, wonderful and anything else you can think of.
Women in the UK also see beating as attention and possible sign of love, because like children, they are fed such a message. And because of damaged self-esteem like children may see any attention as better than none. I see that as abuse.
That is why despite being happy with my nature I do worry about mixed messages and the vulnerability to abuse and exploitation that exists for all and especially for women.
Domestic violence still kills more women and girls worldwide than disease, starvation or war. Oxfam does excellent research into this. And in the UK a woman dies at the hands of her partner or ex-partner every three days.
I guess the analogy for me between spanking and domestic violence would be with sex and rape. The means may look the same but the intent and effect is absolutely not, but it is easy to cause doubt and confusion because of this. And rapists and those who practice violence are able to exploit the confusion. Victims believe they must have 'asked for it', or it wasn't really against their will or fear they will not be believed if they say such things. And society believes it a private matter and/or are reluctant to label a possibly innocent person.
Thank you for the opportunity to explore and explain such issues.