Blighty asked:

Suzee, I know you have mentioned before about the significance of your childhood experiences. However, do you think there is any connection between the sex-deprivation and your intense desire for the secondary sexual relief of spanking? I mean, at what age did spanking become a primary part of your sex life?

I've not been especially deprived of sex, but had period when this happened in established relationship with an ex. Spanking isn't a secondary relief, and I don't see it as an alternative. I was fascinated by spanking as a child. I have fantasised about it since I had sexual fantasies and my late onset of experience is due to confusion, lack of courage and lack of opportunity only.
This is what I wrote in my autobiog piece:

I would imagine scenarios where handsome men meted out punishments to naughty girls or women. While these secret fantasies were thrilling I didn’t see them as sexual and I discovered my sexuality in a vanilla context. Actually progressing to intercourse through the tortuous stages of ‘courting’ were as much sexuality as I could handle. And yet in a separate little world the spanking thoughts were there.
As I became more sexually aware I realised sexual fantasy was part of the sexual experience. Once a boyfriend described how he’d spanked a girl who had been ‘harassing’ him. I got the tingle. I got drunk. I asked him to spank me. He wouldn’t. I tried to forget. After all I was drunk. I would not ask again. In retrospect he was a spiteful power abuser and bully.
Anyone heard the joke –
Masochist: Beat me!
Sadist: No!
At some point I decided there was more to this sex lark than what I got with my boyfriend and I knew women could enjoy themselves alone so I decided to experiment. No prizes for guessing my thoughts as I discovered the delights of solo masturbation. My youthful fantasies came flooding back with some wonderful additions. I now knew about sex; being spanked by any man was thrilling but being spanked by a lover or a man who would become my lover was the ultimate turn-on.
As I got older I became aware that my tastes were not so unusual and I found better, more sophisticated lovers, yet still my secret fantasies stayed secret. Why? I couldn’t risk being seen as weird or perverted and feared ridicule and rejection. And I was a feminist. I read the odd thing about fantasy and realised I probably was not the only one in this position but it wasn’t a topic of conversation in my circles. And I knew about ‘real’ violence. I also knew about sadomasochism and the thought of torture was a turn-off:
Pass the nipple clamps and torture guide?
I don’t think so!
You want me to be your full-time slave?
Fuck off!
You’d like to take down my knickers and smack my bottom?
Ooh, I’m not really sure. Will it hurt too much? What if I hate it? Um – Perhaps you’d like to tell me a little more about it? Can I get back to you on that one?
I’d also read the stuff about fantasy staying as fantasy – So was I asking for a damned good spanking or what? Again I wasn’t sure.

So the thoughts and curiosity about the 'real thing have been with me a long time. I had brief experience in my thirties, then a lovely thirteen year vanilla relationship took over and it went back to being fantasy only.

Writing about it let the genie out of the bottle and I began to think about getting the experience for real once more. This led to end of relationship and coming to terms with my desires and falling for a man with complementary erotic nature.