As I often say, I don't normally do roleplay, but my last spanking entry on dithering doms and sarky subs was an example of playing with the stereotypes with a nod towards roleplay I suspect.

Yesterday was far more my idea of what I see as 'integrated' spanking. Once again a reminder - for us spanking is totally sexual, but I accept it is not for all others. By integrated, I mean simply a part of love-making and our sex life.

We were having a kiss and cuddle in bed and as his hand strayed more and more to a certain part of my anatomy I knew he had more than 'nilla (non-kink sex) on his mind. The exploratory taps and my acceptance confirmed his thoughts and intentions and my acquiescence. As the taps interspersed with the kisses and cuddles got firmer, it was a simple matter to draw me over so I was lying on my front and the taps became the beginning of a spanking.

No words were needed and none exchanged. The eroticism came from our growing understanding of where things were leading and his taking the lead.

Inevitably (for us!) the spanking got harder and led to use of the cane, but because be both find that incredibly erotic and 'complete'. In between, use of a riding crop provided variation and subtle mix of sensation.

As we'd not played for a little while, it had become painful fairly quickly, which gave it a delicious intensity. At other times, we would have a far longer session using paddles, rulers, flyswat, hairbrush etc. Spanking like other sex is delicious whether a quickie or all-day session - Just a matter of picking activities to match mood and circumstances.

And depending on mood spanking can lead to 'nilla sex or not. Spanking for both of us has an 'arc' that brings its own satisfaction, but further sexual stuff is usually a wonderful second course. I've likened spanking to kissing and cuddling - great as 'stand alone' activity or delicious first-course - And I'm someone who's been known to have Chinese meal that consists on loads af starters and an ice-cream!

Once one has a cyber forum, it is difficult not to pronounce on everything under the sun and counter everybody else's pronouncements with a or a

I used to hang around a spanking site and like many sites/communities there was a section for off-topic stuff so politics, religion, the weather, parsnip-buttering etc were all fair game. I found it difficult not to comment on stuff, especially when I had strong opinions on certain topics. And of course a site I joined for fun, community and some quick thrills became a place of earnest debate at times.

Like several others I became a blogger as result of radio 4 play on subject and I've loved it! I enjoy the control and idea that it's my space. That said - I've only removed remarks that are a link to other sites I don't wish to publicise. I guess those who hate feminist, pinko spankees just vote with their feet - it's what I do. I have tried engaging with those of opposite convictions both seriously and flippantly and either wasted my time or got attacked, so I tend not to comment on blogs with which I have no commonality.

I have however enjoyed discussions here with people who have different views or do not understand my take on something. People like Varshkale and Blighty have given me pause for thought and I welcome chance to think more widely about things.

I recently started a thread on R4's Woman's Hour noticeboard because I have genuine issues around my 'fetish' and domestic violence which I've explored here at various times. A feature on domestic violence in Zambia and the concept that being beaten was a 'sign of love' was the trigger. What was missing for me was an acknowledgement that such thoughts exist in the West and was indeed fetishised and romanticised in films and TV throughout the fifties and sixties.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbradio4/F2766779?thread=4109520
The interesting dialogue I'd hoped for turned into a strange free-for-all and I was reminded of how little control one has of a thread on a public noticeboard.I've since commented on my thoughts on the noticeboard and that too has now got it's own life
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbradio4/F2766779?thread=4271801
...and of course those that remind me of my ability to vote with me feet and stay out the kitchen if I'm not heat-proof and other mangled metaphors are quite right. Just a shame that a place which appears right for certain discussions doesn't suit me.I was however delighted to be directed to what feels to me like a woman-friendly (not the same as anti-men!)board which I now visit with pleasure.
http://womanshours.proboards81.com/index.cgi

As said - I love the control of my own blog and I also like the 'community' element of having got to know some of you via your blogs and exchanged comments - a lovely bonus. It's nice also to have a site where people simply start a thread because they feel strongly about something or wonder what thoughts others have on a subject.

And of course the challenge and temptation for myself and others is feeling drawn to comment on all sorts of things. I joked on Radio 4's PM Blog (See! I'm turning into a cyber-slut!)about their award for ineractivity and wondered what was wrong at just shouting at the radio. Of course I and others write meaningless, boring stuff sometimes, but it is great to be able to do so.
Those that feel this cyber-world of ours is dumbing down, may have a point, but we can all pick through and find stuff of interest. I like having my cyber-world as well as the rest of my life.

For me the challenge is deciding when I want or need to pronounce on something and when it is best to scream at the radio!

My Cariad and I are not part of the BDSM or spanking scene as such although we lurked on certain sites and have read how others 'do' it so have the lingo. Like people everywhere we see ourselves as outside the stereotypes. Interestingly, the spankos, BDSMers I have met don't necessarily fit the stereotype either.

Subs/bottoms/spankees do tend to be of two broad churches. Those that are submissive and active in wanting to please their partner and those that 'brat' - Bratting is a way of earning a spanking or punishment. In reality and cyber waterpistols, cushions (for throwing) and shoelaces (for tying) may feature. While denying being a brat (although acknowledging brats often deny their brattishness) I will admit to teasing and sauciness.

As stated elsewhere, I don't get 'punished' - My Cariad spanks me because to do so turns him on, and being at the receiving end does the same for me. Our fantasies like those of most spankos tend to be about punishment, but in reality simply the power exchange and spanking works best for us.

So today we were having a cuddle on the sofa and I wondered if we'd be more comfortable upstairs and he couldn't make up his mind - Not an unusual occurrence. The 'Dithering Dom' has been established from such moments. So (as so often) I teased him about his 'Domliness' and inability to make simple decisions, so he decided I was the sarky sub.

As always he was able to get me from the giggles and cheekiness to trying to escape and that was just with his hand. Apparently sarkiness merits the use of his belt and as so often happens, there is a sexy, painless glow, followed by glow and uncertainty as pain builds up and then pain that makes me want to avoid or escape, but also that makes me happy I didn't.

And of course it wouldn't be complete without extensive use of the canes, although I think one of them definitely needs replacing, as it's looking as battered as I sometimes do!

...to let you know I'm lurking! I'm happy and pottering on but not felt the touch of the muse or been inspired to write despite lots of ideas. Nice to read others' thoughts, meanwhile.
Cheers,
Suzee
xxx

I'm shallow enough to enjoy it when I get into top ten, but don't consciously do anything to maintain, although it sometimes inspires me to be more proactive on site.I appreciate that being there might bring in new readers who'll then decide whether they are interested or not. I understand when people like Juzzzy, Paddy, Bear, etc get in because I see that they post and comment, but others just confuse me. A recent no.1 apparently no longer had blog and hadn't written or commented recently. I know the Top Ten is one of life's mysteries, but I found that extra mysterious!